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1st Gen Iphone, “Brick”
4/22/2023 – Parker, WV In a stunning display of marketing genius, a vintage first-generation iPhone sold for the low, low price of just $5 at a recent auction. The reason for the rock-bottom price? The phone is an old piece of junk that no one in their right mind would actually want. The iPhone, which…
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Elk Lacks English Skills
4/22/2023 – Aspen, CO In a bizarre turn of events, a group of Colorado residents were left scratching their heads this week when they discovered that an elk did not respond to their English commands. The elk had become stranded on a frozen pond and the residents attempted to warn the animal of the danger…
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Santas’ Christmas Spirit Put To The Test At Satan Con
4/22/2023 – Boston, MA In a hilarious mix-up, a group of Santa impersonators arrived at the Satanic Temple’s “SatanCon” event in Boston yesterday, mistaking it for a festive gathering of like-minded individuals. The group of red-suited, white-bearded men arrived at the convention center expecting to spread some yuletide cheer and hand out candy canes, only…
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Netflix “Love is Blind” Fail
4/21/2023 – Los Gatos, CA Netflix users were left in the dark last night as the streaming service experienced a major outage during the live streaming reunion show of “Love is Blind”, the reality show where couples get engaged without seeing each other. The glitch affected millions of viewers who were eagerly waiting to find…
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Rays Fail To Break MLB Record, Settle For A Tie
4/15/2023 – Toronto, ON The Tampa Bay Rays had a chance to make history on Friday night, but instead they settled for a tie with the 1982 Atlanta Braves and 1987 Milwaukee Brewers for the longest modern era season-opening winning streak in MLB history. The Rays lost 6-3 to the Toronto Blue Jays, ending their…
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SpaceX Starship Fails Again, Lawsuit Pending
4/21/2023 – Brownsville, TX Another day, another Starship explosion. SpaceX’s latest attempt to launch ended in a spectacular fireball, as it exploded midair disintegrating into pieces as it fell from the sky. The company’s founder, Elon Musk, was quick to tweet that “at least the debris field landed in the right place!” and that he…
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