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Biden Confused By Owl Possession Joke
8/10/2023 Washington, D.C. – Inside sources revealed that an unusual scene unfolded during Biden’s recent tour of the southwestern states. In a conservation meeting, U.S. Fish and Wildlife Service Director Martha Williams attempted to warn President Biden that “someone here is possessed by an owl.” “As soon as Martha said those words, the President looked
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Biden Trains For Undersea Alien Mission, Frustrated By UAP Expert Ghosting Him
8/9/2023 WASHINGTON – President Biden has been intensely training to become an aquanaut in preparation for a classified deep sea expedition searching for signs of alien life. Sources say Biden’s upcoming submarine mission was inspired by the recent UAP House Subcommittee investigation and the president’s eagerness to make first contact with extraterrestrials. “Biden has been
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Notorious Bear Deliberately Defies Bear Crossing Sign
8/8/2023 Angel Fire, NM – Local bear and known rabble-rouser Wojtek was spotted yesterday deliberately reading a bear crossing sign incorrectly in Angel Fire. This rebel bear has a reputation for purposefully flouting rules and doing the exact opposite of signs. The sign clearly depicts a bear walking to the left, but Wojtek deliberately approached
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Summer Olympic Event Debut: Karenathlon – The Complain Games
8/7/2023 Paris – The International Olympic Committee has approved the addition of a new verbal sparring event for the 2024 Paris Games: the “Karenathlon,” in which athletes will square off in heated debates advocating for entitled, first-world problems. “We’re excited to showcase the world’s top Karens vying for the gold medal in petty grievances,” said
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Outrage Over Purnell’s “Old Folks” Sausage
8/5/2023 Simpsonville, Ky – A growing chorus of voices is calling out Purnell’s, a maker of pork sausages and other cured meats, over its popular “Old Folks” brand of breakfast sausages they say promotes negative stereotypes. Critics say the branding is “ageist” and offensive to senior citizens. “It’s appalling that Purnell’s would callously use ‘Old
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Wells Fargo Strikes Again: More Customers’ Money Vanishes Into Bank’s Bottomless Pit
8/4/2023 San Francisco – Wells Fargo customers were shocked this week to find their direct deposits had vanished yet again, marking the second time this year funds have mysteriously disappeared from accounts. The bank blamed careless patrons for failing to understand basic principles of sedimentary geology. “We don’t know how else to say this: money
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