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NASA Announces New Astronaut Safety Plan
1/13/2024 Houston – In a shocking announcement today, NASA revealed that for the first time ever, they are formally planning to bring astronauts home alive. “We know this is a really bold and risky move on our part,” said NASA administrator Charles Frank at a press conference. “But we feel the time is right to
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McDonald’s Considers Actual Food
In a surprising turn of events, McDonald’s is reportedly embroiled in heated debates over a groundbreaking concept that has left both fast-food enthusiasts and health-conscious consumers scratching their heads: the potential introduction of actual, real food to their menu. Sources close to the golden arches suggest that an internal struggle has erupted within the hallowed
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Meteorologist’s Vague Storm Prediction Leaves Viewers In The Dark
1/10/2024 Indianapolis – Local meteorologist Mike Blurton held a press conference today to discuss the potential for a major storm system moving into the area in the coming days. However, Blurton seemed unable to provide any definitive information about what we can expect. “Well, looks like there’s some sort of weather system brewing out there
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AI Discovers Habitable But Dangerous ‘Planet Three’
12/31/2023 New York – Scientists at the Institute for Advanced Astrophysics fed massive amounts of data about our galaxy and known universes into an advanced AI system called PlanetScout 3000 in search of a potential new home for us. In a startling discovery after processing all of the data, PlanetScout 3000 reported back that it
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Local Man Disappointed “Shortest Day Of The Year” Still 24 Hours
12/29/2023 Clarksburg, WV – Local resident Joe Snow caused quite a stir in his community this week when he loudly complained that the “shortest day of the year” on the winter solstice was a sham. “They kept saying it was supposed to be the shortest day, but that day was still 24 hours long,” explained
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SAG To Award Trump Life Achievement Award For Elaborate Acting Ploy
12/26/2023 Los Angeles – The Screen Actors Guild (SAG) announced today that they will present former president Donald J. Trump with a Life Achievement Award at the upcoming 30th Annual SAG Awards on February 24th. SAG president Fran Drescher praised Trump’s contributions “in front of the camera” over many decades. “Whether it was his pioneering
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