-
Local Man Announces Revolutionary Idea For Getting Rid Of Space Junk
3/9/2024 Bakersfield, CA – Our orbit is becoming increasingly congested with space debris. This hazard includes defunct spacecraft, spent rocket boosters, and even seemingly insignificant objects like wrenches and gloves lost by astronauts. Millions of tiny pieces of debris, some as small as a fleck of paint, may seem inconsequential. However, space junk travels at
-
Man Protests “Unfair” To Work On Leap Day
2/29/2024 Clarksville, TN – Area resident Dan Smith held an impromptu press conference this morning to voice his displeasure at having to go to work on February 29th. Smith argued that since February 29th only occurs once every four years, it essentially “negates” one of his paid days off. “This is an outrage,” said Smith.
-
This Happens To Your Body Eating Only Dairy For One Week
2/22/2024 Oshkosh, WI – John Chessman, better known by his online alias “Super Blogger”, embarked on what he called his “Dairy Challenge Diet” last week, vowing to eat nothing but cheese and dairy for all his meals for 7 straight days. He documented the experience on his popular blog “John’s Choice!”, assuming the challenge would
-
Officials: Bunker A Growing Threat To Wildlife
2/19/2024 Paducah, KY – Carl Bunker, the notorious tree stalker and wildlife tormentor, is at it again. This time, Bunker was spotted in Paducah harassing a hawk with a basketball. According to eyewitness reports, Bunker was seen teasing the bird with the ball. It seems the hawk had perched atop a basketball goal to rest
-
Area Resident Eager To Work Remotely As Congressperson
2/19/2024 Canton, OH – Area resident Brad Willis expressed frustration today as he scoured online job boards trying to find open congressional position postings, to no avail. Willis stated he heard about numerous Republican lawmakers retiring or not seeking reelection, including prominent committee chairs like Cathy McMorris Rodgers and Mike Gallagher. “With all these seats
-
Biden Angry He Can’t Make Money On Holiday Honoring Presidents
2/19/2024 Washington, D.C. – In a controversial statement earlier today, President Joe Biden demanded that the stock market and banks be opened on President’s Day, despite the holiday tradition of being closed. “This is outrageous – as President, I should be able to buy and sell stocks whenever I want, holidays be damned,” Biden fumed.
The Journalist BS 