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Debt Ceiling Deal Fiasco
5/27/2023 Washington D.C. – In a stunning turn of events, the White House and House Republicans have struck an agreement to raise the debt ceiling and avoid a catastrophic default that could have plunged the world into a financial crisis. The deal, which was reached after weeks of tense negotiations and last-minute phone calls, includes
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PED Distribution Guilty Plea
5/26/2023 NYC – A Texas man who pleaded guilty to providing performance-enhancing drugs to Olympic athletes has claimed that he only gave them natural supplements, caffeine pills, and Viagra. Eric Lira, a self-proclaimed “kinesiologist and naturopathic” therapist, was convicted under the Rodchenkov Anti-Doping Act, which allows the US to impose criminal sanctions on individuals involved
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Taliban Wet Noodle
5/25/2023 Kabul – In a groundbreaking move, Afghanistan’s Taliban has announced that all floggings will now be carried out with a wet noodle instead of the traditional whip. The decision comes after the United Nations urged the Taliban to end the practice of flogging altogether. “Starting today, we will no longer use whips to punish
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Survey Lands Fire Chief On The Hot Seat
5/24/2023 Coolin, ID – The fire chief of a small town in Idaho has been reprimanded by the mayor for posting a survey on the town’s Facebook page, asking residents what kind of side gigs the firefighters could do for extra money. The survey, which was quickly deleted, sparked outrage and amusement among the locals,
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Ghost Hunter Arrested After Complaints
5/23/2023 Long Beach, CA – A ghost hunter who claimed to be on a mission to communicate with the spirits of the Queen Mary hotel was arrested last night for disturbing the peace, destruction of property, and resisting arrest. The hotel guests and staff reported hearing loud noises, screams and banging from his room throughout
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Phoenix Down: Next Phase Of AI
5/22/2023 Vancouver, BC – If you thought robots were taking over the world, think again. A recent experiment by Sanctuary AI, a company that creates human-like robots called synthetics, ended in disaster when their latest model, Phoenix, failed to pass the basic requirements of corporate training and was fired from its job at a multinational
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