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USPS Mail Carrier Dog Bites Down In 2022
6/4/2023 Washington, D.C. – The US Postal Service (USPS) has announced that it has achieved a historic milestone in its efforts to reduce dog bites among its mail carriers. According to the latest statistics, only 5300 mail carriers were bitten by dogs in 2022, compared to 5400 in 2021. This represents a whopping 1.85% decrease…
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Six Flags Gets Flagged
6/2/2023 Valencia, CA- The California Department of Public Health (CDPH) has issued a public health advisory to warn people about the dangers of riding too many roller coasters at Six Flags Magic Mountain in Valencia, California. The amusement park has been linked to a surge of cases of dizziness, nausea and vomiting among its visitors…
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Citizens Warned About Brain Activty Decoder
6/1/2023 Austin – Scientists are freaking out as the Brain Activity Decoder (BAD), a wearable gadget, dictates embarrassing private thoughts. In a world-first, scientists developed BAD to translate brain wave thoughts into text and display them on a screen. The technology, which is still in its early stages, has the potential to revolutionize communication for…
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Al Pacino One Ups Robert DeNiro
5/31/2023 Hollywood – In a shocking twist of events, legendary actor Al Pacino has announced that he is expecting a child with his 29-year-old girlfriend Noor Alfallah. The 83-year-old star of The Godfather and Scarface said he was “thrilled and blessed” to become a father again, adding that he was “not too old for this…
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Air New Zealand: Get On The Scale
5/30/2023 Auckland – Air New Zealand has announced that it will weigh all international passengers before they board their flights, in order to gather data on the weight load and distribution of their planes. The airline claims that this is now a standard procedure that is required by the Civil Aviation Authority of New Zealand,…
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Don’t Do It, You’ll Poke Your Eye Out
5/29/2023 Hollywood – Pedro Pascal is a beloved actor who has starred in many popular shows and movies, such as The Mandalorian, Narcos, and Wonder Woman 1984. But he is perhaps best known for his role as Oberyn Martell in Game of Thrones, where he met a gruesome fate at the hands of the Mountain.…
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