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Trump’s Tariff on Canadian Steel and Plastic Spatula Ban
3/12/2025 Washington D.C. – President Donald Trump went forward today with the 25% tariff on Canadian steel imports alongside a surprise nationwide ban on plastic spatulas, citing concerns over “microscopic plastic particles” entering the American diet. “We’re going to flip this economy like the perfect pancake, and keep your stomachs plastic free,” declared Trump from…
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Emoji Futures: The New Wall Street Trend
3/10/2025 New York – In a desperate bid to find any silver lining in the current market meltdown, Wall Street has reportedly abandoned traditional securities in favor of trading exclusively in emoji futures, with the sad face 😢 and angry face 😠emerging as the only profitable commodities in America’s financial hellscape. “We’ve tried everything…
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Putin On The Hits: Trump’s Russian Tariff Via Song
3/7/2025 Washington, D.C. – In what political analysts are calling “economic diplomacy meets The Voice sponsorship,” President Donald Trump announced sweeping new tariffs against Russia today until they end their war with Ukraine, then immediately released a musical tribute to his favorite economic policy on Truth Social. The track, titled “Tariff Tango,” was performed by…
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Musk: “We’re Pretty Sure Some Of It Landed On Mars”
3/6/2025 Boca Chica, TX – In what aerospace engineers are calling “technically not a complete failure,” a SpaceX rocket shattered confidence, expectations, and itself today, creating an impromptu fireworks display visible from five states. The space skimming flight lost it only a few minutes into what was supposed be an hour long voyage. CEO Elon…
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Trump “Time Travels”, Makes Bizarre Predictions
3/4/2025 Palm Beach, FL – In a disturbing series of rants, President Donald J. Trump alleged he had unlocked the secrets of time travel Tuesday night. “It’s a power they didn’t want me to have,” Trump warned on Truth Social after his joint address to Congress. “I sent Air Force one from the Eastern time…
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Independent Politicians: Unfair “Fake News” Distribution
3/3/2025 Sacramento, CA – In a groundbreaking study released today, researchers at the Institute for Political Digital Engagement have found that independent politicians are facing a critical disadvantage in today’s fast paced political landscape: their misinformation is taking significantly longer to spread on social media compared to their Democratic and Republican counterparts. The study, titled…
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