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Fox News Rebrands As “Faux News”
“THE NAME JUST FITS BETTER WITH OUR MISSION” April 2, 2025 – New York In a shocking press conference that left media analysts simultaneously stunned and nodding knowingly, Fox News executives announced today the network would officially rebrand as “Faux News,” citing a desire for “greater transparency” and “linguistic accuracy.” “After extensive market research and
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Trump Rolls Out “Thankful Victims” Program
New Program For Executive Order Signings March 23, 2025 – Washington D.C. In a bold new approach to government transparency, the Trump administration announced today that all future executive orders will be signed in elaborate ceremonies featuring the very people whose lives will be upended by the policies. “It’s going to be tremendous, just tremendous,”
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US Announces “Constitutional Treasure Hunt”
Document Mysteriously Disappearing Piece By Piece March 21, 2025 – Washington D.C. In a bold new strategy to “preserve American freedom”, the Trump administration has launched an innovative “National Treasure” initiative where citizens must locate and piece together fragments of the Constitution before the Constitution “disappears” completely. “It’s like a fun scavenger hunt for democracy,”
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Musk To Vandals: “Teslas Will Combust Without Your Help”
3/20/2025 Washington, D.C. – In a press conference that left reporters questioning whether to laugh or check their stock portfolios, DOGE czar and Tesla CEO Elon Musk addressed the recent wave of attacks on Tesla vehicles with his trademark blend of candor and catastrophic PR judgment. “Listen, I appreciate the enthusiasm,” Musk said, gesturing vaguely
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Rubio To Deport Canadian Geese
3/16/2025 Washington, D.C. – In an unprecedented extension of immigration policy, Secretary of State Marco Rubio announced today a sweeping initiative to remove all Canadian Geese from United States territory, citing documentation irregularities and unpaid tariffs. “These birds have been flying across our border for decades without proper paperwork,” Rubio declared at a press conference
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Trump’s Tariff on Canadian Steel and Plastic Spatula Ban
3/12/2025 Washington D.C. – President Donald Trump went forward today with the 25% tariff on Canadian steel imports alongside a surprise nationwide ban on plastic spatulas, citing concerns over “microscopic plastic particles” entering the American diet. “We’re going to flip this economy like the perfect pancake, and keep your stomachs plastic free,” declared Trump from
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