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Oops! Jenny’s Other Numbers Stolen By Hackers
6/16/2023 Washington, DC – BREAKING: Jenny’s Number Exposed in Massive Cyberattack Jenny, the girl whose phone number was immortalized in the 1981 hit song “867-5309/Jenny” by Tommy Tutone, has become a victim of a massive cyberattack that has compromised millions of private information across households in Louisiana and Oregon. According to sources, the hackers, who…
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Judge Hires Rubik’s Cube Master To Track Trump’s Case
A federal judge has hired a world record holder in Rubik’s Cube speed solving to manage aspects of former President Trump’s classified documents case. Judge Aileen Cannon, who ordered the attorneys involved in the case to contact the Justice Department by Friday and file a notice of compliance by June 20th, said she was impressed…
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McCarthy’s Unusual Birthday Gift To Trump
6/14/2023 Washington DC – In a bizarre gesture of loyalty, House Speaker Kevin McCarthy presented former President Donald Trump with a Monopoly game “get out of jail free” card for his birthday today in a press conference. The card reveals McCarthy’s unconditional support for Trump, who is facing 37 federal charges in the mishandling of…
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Oxford Study Exposes The Media’s Obsession With Royal Wombs
6/13/2023 Oxford – A team of researchers from the University of Oxford have published a groundbreaking study that reveals the shocking truth about Royal Family pregnancies: they are just not newsworthy. The study, which analyzed over 10,000 articles from various media outlets, found that the coverage of the royal births and pregnancies was disproportionate, excessive…
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Texans To Security Guard: You Showed More Fight Than Our Defense
The Houston Texans are desperate for some defensive help after a dismal 2022 season that saw them finish 31st in the league for points scored and 30th in total yards allowed. The team’s general manager, Nick Caserio, has been scouring the globe for potential talent, and he may have found his next star in an…
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A Rocky Mistake: A Woman’s Hilarious Adventure At The Testicle Festival
6/11/2023 Franklin, IN – A woman from Indiana made a fool of herself after she confused a festival celebrating Rocky Mountain Oysters for a seafood event. Karen Johnson said she was dying to try some fresh oysters at the annual Testicle Festival in Franklin, Indiana. She said she had no clue that Rocky Mountain Oysters…
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