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Naples Man Inks Face With Lifelike Bedhead Marks
9/4/2023 Naples, FL – Local resident John Patel has found a unique solution to hide the embarrassing pillow marks that were constantly present on his face from his frequent napping – permanent tattoos mimicking pillow creases. Friends and family were caught between bewildered amusement and concern for Patel’s newfound dedication to the doze. “I’m a
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MLB Demotes Oakland Athletics To Minor League Status Due To Poor Play
9/3/2023 Oakland, CA – In an unprecedented move, Major League Baseball has demoted the Oakland Athletics to minor league status due to the team’s exceptionally poor performance this season. Effective immediately, the A’s have been removed from the MLB website’s team list and added to the AAA Pacific Coast League. The Las Vegas Aviators, formerly
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Aspen Police Make Ruff Arrest After DUI Traffic Stop
9/3/2023 Aspen, CO – An Aspen police officer had a real dog of a time during a recent DUI traffic stop. Officer Barry Barkson pulled over a vehicle Saturday night after observing it swerving erratically on Main Street. As Barkson approached the stopped car, he was shocked to see a golden retriever suddenly jump into
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“The Government Is Tracking Me!” Says Woman Who Willingly Uses GPS App
09/02/2023 Dogleg, NC – Area resident Beth Smith caused quite the stir on social media this week after claiming that the popular navigation app Waze is proof that “big brother is watching.” In a post on her Facebook page, Smith described her shock at how the Waze app seemed to know everything along her drive.
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Local Man Claims To Be “Diverse” After Eating At Taco Bell
8/29/2023 Rutherford, NJ – Area resident Bradley Thompson made headlines today by proudly proclaiming his cultural open-mindedness after eating a meal at fast food chain Taco Bell. “I’m a really diverse person,” Thompson announced to his social media followers. “For example, just today I ate at Taco Bell. I had one of those tacos with
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Zombies Moan For Inclusion At Yale Protest March
08/28/2023 New Haven, CT – A group of Yale University students held a “welcome back to school” protest today demanding the school offer a new major in “Zombie Studies” for students who role play as zombies. “For too long, zombie students have been marginalized on campus,” said protest leader Amanda Rottingham. “We demand Yale create
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