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Actor Makes A Scene Instead Of Cleaning One
9/25/2023 Los Angeles – Local actor Dale Sanders found himself in hot water with his wife today due to a simple misunderstanding exacerbated by the ongoing actor’s strike. It all started when Sanders’ wife Jane left him a handwritten note asking him to ‘mop the floors’ while she was out running errands. Sanders, unable to
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Botanists Launch Program To Teach Calculus To Houseplants
9/24/2023 Berkley, CA – In a desperate bid to prove that life and consciousness exist in plant form, leading botanists at the University of California, Berkeley announced a new initiative last week to teach calculus to household plants. The “Plan(T)s Who Can Do Math” program aims to demonstrate intelligent awareness in the plant kingdom by
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Mexico Struggles With Extraterrestrial Integration
9/23/2023 Mexico City – Mexico’s Congress heard startling testimony from experts on extraterrestrials Tuesday, when famed ufologist Jaime Maussan wheeled two caskets into the congressional chambers, dramatically unveiling what he claimed were alien bodies recovered from thousand year old Peruvian mines. See unveiling by Reuters on YouTube. While scientists disputed the bodies’ authenticity, citizens weighed
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Husband In Trouble As Wife Cracks Case Of The Disappearing Pizza
9/21/2023 Cranberry Township, PA – Area woman Bethany Cooper reported that her husband Donald took on an expression akin to that of a startled deer after she confronted him about eating the final two slices of pizza that had been saved for their dinner. “There I was, excited to dig into those last cheesy slices
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President Biden Proposes New Rebates For Trading In SUVs For Footmobiles
9/20/2023 Washington, D.C. – With gas prices still hovering near record highs and the continued UAW strike, President Biden is proposing new incentives aimed at getting more Americans out of their gas-guzzling SUVs and into primitive homemade build it yourself foot-powered vehicles. Under the plan announced this week, drivers can get a $7,500 rebate when
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New Poll Confirms: $29 Million Salary Is Basically Poverty Level In USA
9/15/2023 Detroit – A new poll conducted today has revealed the vast majority of Americans struggle to comprehend how someone could possibly survive on an annual salary of just $29 million, such as General Motors CEO Mary Barra. The poll was conducted amidst a United Auto Workers strike against GM, Ford, and Stellantis over issues
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