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Domo Arigato Mr. Roboto: House Names AI Speaker To Replace McCarthy
10/4/2023 Washington, D.C. – In a shocking turn of events, House members today voted to replace Rep. Kevin McCarthy (R-CA) as Speaker of the House with an artificial intelligence robot. The bot, named “Artbot”, officially known as the bipARTisan Robot v2.12, was created by Sirius Cybernetics Corporation specifically to preside over the House of Representatives.
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Giuliani Named Head Of Trump Org “Contracts And Loopholes” Division
10/3/2023 New York City – The Trump Organization announced today that former New York City mayor and Trump attorney Rudy Giuliani has been named head of the company’s new “Contracts and Loopholes” division. The appointment comes after Giuliani’s instrumental work in helping Trump fight numerous lawsuits and criminal investigations over the years. The role will
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Dessert Storm: Biden Wipes Away Bipartisan Progress With Napkin Mishap
10/3/2023 Washington, D.C. – In an embarrassing gaffe revealed today, President Biden accidentally used the bipartisan bill to prevent a government shutdown as a napkin during a pumpkin spice cheesecake late night snack attack in the Oval Office near the October 1st deadline. Biden had been meeting with Republican and Democratic leaders to discuss proposals
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Cabbage Patch Blowout: King Got Booted For Dissing Kimchi
9/29/2023 Pyongyang, North Korea – Private Travis King, the U.S. soldier that recently defected to North Korea, was unceremoniously expelled from the hermit kingdom, all because he dared to mock the cabbage dish known as kimchi. A simple jest about kimchi sent him packing back to the land of hamburgers and Hollywood. For those who’ve
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Judge Cancels Trump Org’s Certificate, Trump Enthused To Revert To Backroom Deals
9/27/2023 New York – In a stunning legal decision yesterday, New York judge Arthur Engoron ruled that former President Donald Trump and his adult sons Donald Jr. and Eric were liable for numerous fraudulent business practices at the Trump Organization. As punishment, Engoron canceled the Trump Organization’s business certification, essentially preventing it from conducting any
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Cha-Ching! Biden Says Minting Money Will Prevent Shutdown
9/26/2023 Washington, D.C. – President Joe Biden held an emergency press conference today to reassure the nation about the impending government shutdown. Speaking from the White House lawn while licking a towering ice cream cone, Biden explained his ingenious plan to avoid economic catastrophe – print more money! “Listen Jack, I know the bean counters
The Journalist BS 