-
Everybody Gets A Wad! Biden’s Cash Cannon Plans
10/25/2023 Washington D.C. – In an unprecedented move, President Biden has ordered the construction of a massive money cannon to be placed on the White House lawn. During future press conferences, Biden plans to stand behind the cannon and fire wads of cash directly at reporters and photographers gathered before him. “We feel this will
-
Canada To Cher: Your Music’s So Bad It’s Criminal, Eh?
10/18/2023 Toronto – Pop singer and actress Cher sparked controversy today by declaring she would move to Canada if Donald Trump is elected U.S. president in 2024. However, her immigration dreams may be dashed as Canadian officials claim she’s ineligible due to her decades of ear bleeding music being considered criminal activity under the Canadian
-
Wife Has Ball Laughing At Husband’s Nutty Gift Mix Up
10/17/2023 Bemidji, MN – Shoppers at the local HomeGoods were treated to an amusing scene today when a woman was unable to contain her laughter after her husband made an embarrassing blunder at the checkout counter. Samantha Jones, 34, completely lost it when her husband Ned, 36, held up a ladle holder and proudly announced
-
Following Directions Leads Man Astray In Store Bathroom
10/14/2023 Cumberland, MD – Local resident Peter Stinkz found himself in hot water this week after a visit to McKenzie’s General Store ended with the store’s bathroom flooded and Peter cited for disorderly conduct. The trouble began when Stinkz used the store’s restroom and noticed a sign reading “Please do not flush anything except toilet
-
Blind Justice: New Voting Rules Make Ballots Literally Blind
10/12/2023 Washington, D.C. – In an effort to reduce accusations of election rigging and stolen elections, the Federal Election Commission (FEC) has issued new guidelines for the 2024 presidential election. All in-person voting machines and mail-in ballots will list either the Democratic or Republican candidate first 50% of the time. The FEC believes this will
-
Man Claims Supplement Osmosis Enhances Delivery Driver’s Punting Abilities
10/5/2023 Canton, OH – Local resident Frank Simmons made an unusual claim today regarding a recent delivery of Puritan’s Pride joint health supplements he ordered online. Upon receiving the UPS package, Simmons was dismayed to find the bottle had arrived with damaged packaging wrapped around the supplement bottle, a missing bottle cap, and the food
The Journalist BS 