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Local Man Arrested For Stealing IUDs With Intent To Implant
11/20/2023 Boulder, CO – A local man was arrested last night after he tried to damage the Boulder Municipal Building with a birth control device. Jimmy Williams, a 35-year-old unemployed plumber, apparently had mistaken an intrauterine device (IUD) for an improvised explosive device (IED) and implanted the IUD in an electrical outlet in the basement.…
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Charged With Tree-son: Man Fells Tree, Leaves Squirrels Homeless
11/11/2023 Paducah, KY – Local resident Hank Hill found himself in hot water this week after a neighbor reported him for animal cruelty when her cat brought home a dead squirrel. What at first seemed like an unfortunate case of nature taking its course took a sinister turn upon further investigation. Authorities were called to…
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Government Flushes Tax Dollars Down Golden Toilets
11/6/2023 Washington D.C. – In a shocking admission today, the U.S. government revealed that it has secretly budgeted for solid gold toilets and other lavish washroom amenities for years. The announcement comes on the heels of four men being charged in the theft of an 18-karat gold toilet worth $6 million from Winston Churchill’s birthplace.…
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No Wash, All Win: How Dirty Undies Secured Lacrosse Glory
11/3/2023 Belmont, CA – Lacrosse dad Barry Thompson is drawing attention for his commitment to superstition after refusing to change his underwear for the entirety of his daughter Emma’s high school lacrosse season. Thompson’s unusual ritual began after Emma’s team, the Belmont Bruins, won their first game while Thompson was wearing a particular pair of…
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ANA Logo Has Passengers Ready For Takeoff In More Ways Than One
11/2/2023 Tokyo – A case of unfortunate branding has led to embarrassment for Japan’s largest airline ANA. The airline’s logo spells out ANA horizontally with each letter in blue and a plane’s tail at the end causing some travelers to read it as “anal.” Several passengers have booked flights on ANA expecting to join the…
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Slammed, Jammed and Canned: Man Says Scam Tag Ruining His Life
10/27/2023 Boston – Local resident Sam Likes is taking legal action against major phone companies and federal agencies for what he calls “character defamation and harassment” over the frequent appearance of “Scam Likely” on caller ID when people receive robocalls or phishing phone calls. Likes filed a lawsuit in federal court this week alleging that…
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