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Donald Trump: I Am An Alien From Zorgon
11/29/2023 New York – In a shocking announcement that rattled the nation, former president Donald Trump called an impromptu press conference today to reveal that he is actually an alien from the planet Zorgon. “It is true, I am not of this Earth,” Trump told the stunned reporters. “I have lived among you humans for
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Pope Francis catches flu after Antarctic trip, Vatican says
11/28/2023 Vatican City – The Vatican held an unexpected press conference today to address speculation surrounding Pope Francis’ recent battle with a mild flu. Spokesperson Matteo Bruni explained that His Holiness contracted the virus during a secret visit to Antarctica to witness firsthand the effects of climate change. “The Holy Father believes that to properly
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Malaysia To Coldplay: Fix Pronouns Before Returning
11/27/2023 Kuala Lumpur – A Coldplay concert has set off a hot controversy with Malaysian government officials last week. After the band’s show at National Stadium Bukit Jalil on November 22nd, authorities accused Coldplay’s members of failing to use proper pronouns on stage. “The band did not even once refer to our great country as
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Breaking: Bears Don’t Give A Crap About Pooping In Woods, Prefer Tunnels
A groundbreaking study by a team of wildlife experts has revealed that bears, contrary to popular belief, do not defecate in the woods. The researchers spent months tracking and observing various species of bears across North America, Europe and Asia, and found no evidence of fecal matter in their natural habitats. “We were stunned by
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Squeal Of Fortune: Canadian ‘Super Pigs’ Are Smuggling Drugs And Arms Into The US
11/22/2023 Portal, ND – While many are familiar with challenges at the Southern US border, there has been trouble brewing on the Northern Border for some time: Super Pigs. Canadian ‘super pigs’ are a cross breed of the wild Eurasian boar and domestic pig resulting in a swine unmatched in survival skills and fertility. Uncontained,
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Local Man Arrested For Stealing IUDs With Intent To Implant
11/20/2023 Boulder, CO – A local man was arrested last night after he tried to damage the Boulder Municipal Building with a birth control device. Jimmy Williams, a 35-year-old unemployed plumber, apparently had mistaken an intrauterine device (IUD) for an improvised explosive device (IED) and implanted the IUD in an electrical outlet in the basement.
The Journalist BS 