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Houdini Wannabe Makes Off With MGM’s Money In Magical Heist
12/10/2023 Las Vegas – MGM Resorts International is seeing red after a local magician made off with a magical jackpot. “The Incredible Romero”, has been sued by the casino giant after apparently using his sleight-of-hand skills to rake in big winnings during his free time. MGM made news this past summer when they rewarded Romero…
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Tree Stalker Carl Bunker Now Suspect In Wildlife Harassment
12/9/2023 Santa Fe, NM – Carl Bunker, the infamous tree stalker arrested last week in Paducah, KY, is under investigation for wildlife harassment in New Mexico as well it seems. Authorities revealed they now believe Bunker, who used the alias Carl Barker in New Mexico, was involved in a chilling case of bear tormenting. Earlier…
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Biden Vows To Audition For ‘The Voice’ If Not Reelected
12/7/2023 Washington, DC – This week President Joe Biden made an unusual pledge regarding his plans if he fails to win reelection in 2024. “Let me be clear – I love being your president and have lots more work to do. But if the American people decide it’s time for someone else, I won’t fade…
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Withering Hand Syndrome
Northeast Florida medical professionals are becoming increasingly alarmed by a new syndrome appearing in the adult population in the area and possibly beyond. This is presenting as an inability to use the left hand for certain tasks. What is puzzling about this is that the hands appear essentially normal and seem to function for some…
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Morbid Curiosity As Paparazzi Flock To Dying Tree
12/3/2023 Paducah, KY – The tree brutally felled by Hank Hill last month has captured public imagination – and drawing startling crowds. Its lifeless form has become an unlikely celebrity, attracting obsessive “tree-arazzi” documenting its gradual decay. Even as authorities try to restrain the frenzy, a macabre obsession with the doomed tree grows. Yesterday three…
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Bezos Buys Moon, Primes Space Colony
12/3/2023 Seattle – Retail giant Amazon has purchased the moon for an undisclosed sum, with plans to establish its own privatized space colony named “New Seattle” to house the company’s burgeoning space workforce. “The moon’s low tax environment offers attractive incentives for large multinational corporations, like near-zero property taxes and no capital gains taxes,” explained…
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