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STUDENT DESTROYS PENS, GETS REWARDED
“My bad,” middle schooler stated. 12/31/2025 – Millbrook, AL Just before Winter Break, seventh-grade English teacher Patricia Mendez awarded student Tyler Hutchins five bonus points on his final essay after he returned her loaned pens in what witnesses described as “a crime scene, but for office supplies.” The three ballpoint pens, originally lent to Hutchins
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Trump Invents Four Party System To “Guarantee” Wins
“Republican Socialists Have Better Odds When Everyone’s Confused,” Says Trump 11/23/2025 – Washington, DC In a stunning press conference following his “surprisingly pleasant” meeting with NYC Mayor-elect Zohran Mamdani Friday, President Donald Trump announced today his full-throated support for splitting America’s two-party system into four distinct factions. “Look, it’s very simple, okay? Very simple,” Trump
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Trump Announces “Novel Peace Prize”
Funded By Trump Meme Coin 10/12/2025 – Mar-a-Lago, FL President Donald Trump unveiled a new international honor today: The Novel Peace Prize, which he insists is pronounced “KNOW-VEL” and has absolutely nothing to do with the Nobel Peace Prize that recently went to someone else. “A lot of people have been asking me, ‘Sir, why
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Local Man Spends Three Weeks Praying Away “Unbiblical Hernia”
Only Later To Discover Doctor Actually Said “Umbilical” 5/23/2025 – Springfield, MO In what turned out to be a miscommunicated diagnosis, local resident Harold Picklebottom, 52, spent nearly a month attempting to spiritually combat what he believed was an “unbiblical hernia” before learning his doctor had actually diagnosed him with a standard umbilical hernia. The
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West Virginia Man Inherits Mother-In-Law’s Teeth
Son-In-Law Realizes New Perspectives May 11, 2025 – Beckley, WV Local West Virginia resident Cletus Hatfield has experienced a profound emotional revelation after discovering that his recently deceased Virginia mother-in-law, Mildred Pendleton, bequeathed both sets of family dentures to him and his wife. The inheritance, consisting solely of Mrs. Pendleton’s own false teeth along with
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Trump To Be Addressed As “Felon 47”
New Title Will Replace Mr. President May 3, 2025 – Washington, D.C. In a chaotic press conference today in the newly renamed “Tremendous Room” in the White House, President Donald Trump emphatically demanded that all Americans, foreign dignitaries, and especially the “fake news media” address him exclusively as “Felon 47” effective immediately. Standing behind a
The Journalist BS 