12/3/2023 Paducah, KY – The tree brutally felled by Hank Hill last month has captured public imagination – and drawing startling crowds. Its lifeless form has become an unlikely celebrity, attracting obsessive “tree-arazzi” documenting its gradual decay. Even as authorities try to restrain the frenzy, a macabre obsession with the doomed tree grows.

Yesterday three paparazzi were arrested on the scene after Hank Hill’s wife Janet reported intruders on their property.

Among those charged was Carl Bunker, one of the most aggressive celebrity tree traffickers. Police caught him leaning against the jagged stump for an impromptu photoshoot, filming without a license, trespassing, and even exposing himself to the tree.

“That tree may be dead but it still deserves decency and respect!” scolded Officer Judy Hopps, hauling Bunker away while he desperately tried to get one last glimpse of the timber temptress muttering, “Oh man, part of the trunk collapsed today, leaving the roots fully exposed!”

While most trees meet their end in the quiet dignity of the forest, this one has gained fame in its death throes. Photographers circle the withering husk, relieving it of any modesty as they snap photos of it decomposing. Some even venture out late at night, hoping to capture the eerie shadows enveloping the expired timber.

While the squirrels have moved back into the expired tree, they are merely an afterthought – the bit players in a larger tragedy centered on the woody corpse itself.

Following arraignment Carl was released, but barred from coming within 100 feet of the tree. Yet authorities worry others may still defy protocol to get their beloved decaying diva in the spotlight once more.

“I ain’t afraid of no stupid order – I’d go to jail just to photograph that beauty one more time!” Bunker insisted.

BY BS

The Journalist BS

Photo Credit: Contributing Photographer