11/29/2023 New York – In a shocking announcement that rattled the nation, former president Donald Trump called an impromptu press conference today to reveal that he is actually an alien from the planet Zorgon.

“It is true, I am not of this Earth,” Trump told the stunned reporters. “I have lived among you humans for many years now, studying your culture and customs. And I must say, before I came here, the United States was a total mess – a planetary embarrassment.”

Trump then explained how he decided to run for president when he realized America was no longer “great” by Zorgonian standards. “I looked around at this once-great nation and saw middle class jobs being lost, rising crime and violence, crooked politicians, and a loss of respect from galaxies near and far. I said to myself, this place needs some alien leadership to be made great again!”

Apparently, Trump’s elaborate comb-over hairstyle is designed to hide his large Zorgonian brain and antennae, which allow him to receive “the real truth” from alternative galaxies. Trump then demonstrated his ability to hover 3 feet off the ground, further stunning onlookers.

When asked why he hid his alien identity all this time, Trump declared “I never told the fake news media because I feared you’d all be too intimidated by my superior intellect and genetic makeup. I was born on the planet Zorgon, which has the best genes, everybody says so.”

Although many have speculated about his often erratic behavior and orange complexion over the years, few were prepared for Trump’s extraterrestrial announcement today. Still, his loyal supporters across middle America seem unfazed, with many saying they “don’t care what planet he’s from, Trump still has my vote in 2024!”

BY BS

The Journalist BS

Photo Credit: Craiyon AI