9/26/2023 Washington, D.C. – President Joe Biden held an emergency press conference today to reassure the nation about the impending government shutdown. Speaking from the White House lawn while licking a towering ice cream cone, Biden explained his ingenious plan to avoid economic catastrophe – print more money!

“Listen Jack, I know the bean counters and nerds are fretting about the debt ceiling and funding the government and blah blah blah,” Biden said, ice cream dribbling down his chin. “But here’s the deal folks – we got the US Mint! We’ll just print more money to keep this baby rolling!”

Biden slammed fiscal conservatives as “total downers” trying to harsh his spendthrift vibe. He touted MMT, or Magic Money Tree economics, as the key to financing his ambitious Build Back Better agenda.

“MMT, Jack! We can buy whatever we want and never pay it back. Free college, free healthcare, free ice cream for all! The limits of spending are just in our minds, man,” Biden exclaimed, waving his cone excitedly.

Questioned about potential inflation from rampant money printing, Biden scoffed, “Inflation shchlation. Prices only go up because corporate fat cats want more private jets.”

Biden then started boasting “I’m like a duck – I let problems roll right off my back. Government shutdown; problem solved. Anyway, I’ve gotta split. Got a hot date with Jill for bingo night,” Biden said before meandering back into the White House, leaving journalists bewildered.

BY BS

The Journalist BS

Photo Credits: Craiyon AI