5/11/2023 Washington, D.C. – In a stunning move, President Biden announced today that he would forgive all student loans dating back to 1776, as long as borrowers can provide receipts for their tuition payments. The announcement came as a surprise to many, especially Republicans who have been trying to block any and all student loan relief plans in Congress.

Biden said that he wanted to help the millions of Americans who are struggling with student debt, especially those who have been paying for decades or even centuries. He said that he was inspired by the stories of people like Benjamin Franklin, who borrowed money from France to fund his experiments with electricity, and Thomas Jefferson, who took out loans from Britain to buy books and wine.

“They risked their lives and their fortunes for this great nation, and I think they deserve some relief,” he said. “I believe education is the key to our future, and no one should be denied the opportunity to learn because of their financial situation,” Biden said. “That’s why I’m taking this bold and unprecedented step to forgive all student loans going back to the founding of our nation, as long as you have the receipts. Doesn’t matter if it’s from Harvard, Yale, Princeton, or any other institution of higher learning from 1776 to today, I will wipe out your debt. No questions asked.”

The president clarified that the receipts must be original and in good condition, and that they must show the amount and purpose of the loan. He also said that the borrowers must submit their receipts by mail or in person to the Department of Education within 30 days.

The president’s plan was met with mixed reactions from borrowers and experts. Some praised him for his generosity and compassion, while others criticized him for his impracticality and unfairness. “How am I supposed to find a receipt from 200 years ago?” asked one borrower, who graduated from Columbia University in 2010 with $100,000 in debt. “This is ridiculous.”

Others questioned the legality and constitutionality of Biden’s plan, which bypasses Congress and relies on his executive authority. “This is a blatant abuse of power and a violation of the separation of powers,” said one Republican lawmaker, who filed a lawsuit to stop the plan. “He can’t just erase trillions of dollars of debt without congressional approval. He’s acting like a king, not a president. And, what about those who didn’t even attend college? Not fair.”

“This is nothing more than a political stunt,” said Republican Senator Mitch McConnell. “President Biden is trying to buy votes and he’s willing to bankrupt the country to do it.”

Many took to social media to express their opinions, often with humor.

“Wow, thanks Biden! Now I can finally pay off my loan from Harvard Law School in 1789! I just need to find that receipt I buried in my backyard…” wrote one user on Twitter.

“Does this mean I can get my money back from the loan I gave to Alexander Hamilton for his musical? He never paid me back and then he got shot by Aaron Burr. #NotThrowingAwayMyShot” wrote another.

“Sorry Biden, but I don’t have any receipts. I paid for my college with cash I earned from selling moonshine during Prohibition. #BootleggerLife” wrote a third.

Some also questioned the legitimacy of Biden’s announcement, wondering if it was a prank or a hoax.

“Is this for real? Or is this some kind of joke? I can’t tell anymore. #FakeNews” wrote one user on Facebook.

“Nice try, Biden. But we all know you’re just trying to distract us from the alien invasion that’s happening right now. #WakeUpSheeple” wrote another.

“Wait, is today April Fool’s Day? Did I miss something? #Confused” wrote a third.

Biden dismissed the criticism and said that he was confident that his plan would withstand legal challenges. He also said that he was open to working with Congress on a more comprehensive solution to the student debt crisis, but that he wanted to act quickly and decisively to help millions of Americans who are struggling with their loans. “This is a historic moment for our country,” he said. “We are finally freeing ourselves from the shackles of debt that have held us back for too long.”

BY BS

The Journalist BS