5/6/2023 Eugene, OR – Duck For Cover: University of Oregon Graduation Ceremony Turns Fowl

The University of Oregon’s graduation ceremony was supposed to be a proud moment for the class of 2023, but it turned into a messy ordeal when a flock of ducks decided to drop some unwanted gifts on the unsuspecting graduates and guests.

The ceremony, which was held outdoors at the Autzen Stadium, was interrupted by a loud quacking noise from above. As the graduates and guests looked up, they saw hundreds of ducks flying over the stadium, leaving behind a trail of feces that rained down on the crowd.

“I was standing on the stage, ready to give my valedictorian speech, when the ducks attacked,” graduate Lisa Numbfield said.  “They pooped all over my notes and my microphone. I tried to continue, but I couldn’t read anything, and the sound was distorted. I had to improvise and make up some jokes about the situation. Some people laughed; some people booed. It was embarrassing,” Numbfield stated.

“It was like a scene from a horror movie,” said another graduate, who wished to remain anonymous. “I was staring off into space daydreaming when I felt something wet and warm hit my face. I thought it was rain, but then I smelled it and realized it was duck poop. It was disgusting.”

The irony of the situation was not lost on the graduates, who had spent four years cheering for the Oregon Ducks, the university’s mascot. “I guess this is what they mean by ‘once a duck, always a duck’,” said another graduate, who also declined to give his name. “I always loved the ducks, but now I feel betrayed by them. They ruined my graduation day.”

Some spectators, however, found humor in the situation and took to social media to share their reactions.

“This is hilarious. The ducks are literally shitting on the graduates. #DuckAndCover #QuackAttack #OregonDucks #FowlPlay” – @Ducks4Ever.

Another user posted a video of the incident on TikTok, with the caption “Best graduation prank ever. The ducks are savage. #DuckTales #PoopFest #OregonDucks”. – @GoDucks

“Congratulations to the class of 2023! You’ve earned your wings!” – @BirdBrain

“Looks like someone forgot to duck!” – @MallardsRule

“I guess that’s one way to end a crappy year!” @ShitakeMushrooms

“This is karma. The Ducks have been pooping on other teams for years. Now they get a taste of their own medicine. #GoBeavs #OregonState” – @StateBeavers1

“This is a blessing. The Ducks have been blessed by the duck gods. They have received the ultimate honor of being pooped on by their spirit animals. #DuckYeah #OregonDucks” – @OregonDucksRule

University officials apologized for the incident, “We are deeply sorry for what happened today,” said a university spokesperson. “We congratulate our graduates for their achievements and resilience, but are confident this day will always be a memorable one.”

BY BS

The Journalist BS