4/25/2023 – Washington, D.C.

In a bizarre turn of events, President Joe Biden announced his candidacy for the 2024 presidential election for the second time in one day, despite his press staff’s frantic attempts to stop him. The first announcement came early this morning through media outlets with a video message where Biden declared that he was “ready to run again and keep America on track”. The second announcement came two hours later, during a press conference at the White House, where Biden repeated his intention to seek re-election, apparently forgetting the video was released earlier in the day.

The press staff tried to intervene and cut off the president’s microphone, but Biden insisted on finishing his statement, saying that he was “not going to let anyone silence me”. The White House staff and reporters were stunned by the president’s apparent memory lapse and tried to remind him of his earlier statement, but he dismissed them as “fake news” and “nasty people”. He then proceeded to take questions from the reporters, who were visibly shaken by the situation.

One reporter asked Biden if he was aware that he had already announced his candidacy earlier that day. Biden responded by saying that he was “just making sure everyone heard me loud and clear”. Another reporter asked Biden if he had consulted with his vice president, Kamala Harris, before making his decision. Biden said that he had “talked to Kamala this morning and she was very supportive”. He then added that he had “also talked to Barack and Michelle and they were very proud of me”.  The president then proceeded to take questions from the press, which he answered with vague and contradictory responses. Some of the highlights include:

– When asked about his main policy goals for his second term, he said he wanted to “build back better” and “restore the soul of America”, but did not elaborate on what that meant or how he would achieve it.

– When asked about his relationship with China, he said he had a “long and personal friendship” with President Xi Jinping and that they had “no disagreements whatsoever”, despite the ongoing trade war and human rights violations in Xinjiang.

– When asked about his stance on climate change, he said he was “totally committed” to reducing greenhouse gas emissions and that he had “joined the Paris Agreement twice”, apparently forgetting that the U.S. had never left it under his administration.

– When asked about his health and fitness, he said he was “in great shape” and that he had “run a marathon yesterday”, which was clearly untrue as he had spent the whole day at the White House.

The press conference ended abruptly when the president’s wife, Dr. Jill Biden, appeared on stage and whispered something in his ear. The president then looked confused and said, “I don’t understand!” before being escorted away by security. The White House later issued a statement saying that the president “just needed some rest” and that he was “recovering from a UTI”.

The president’s repeated announcement sparked a wave of comments from his political opponents and the media. Republicans mocked Biden for his apparent memory lapse and questioned his mental fitness for office. Senator Ted Cruz tweeted that Biden was “living in a Groundhog Day scenario” and that he should “check his calendar”.

The media also poked fun at Biden’s blunder and speculated about the reasons behind it. Some suggested that Biden was trying to boost his popularity amid low approval ratings and a series of crises. Others suggested that Biden was simply suffering the impacts of the UTI.

Not to be outdone, former president Donald Trump issued a statement announcing his intentions of running for president in 2024 saying that Biden was “the worst president in history” and that he was “looking forward to beating him again in 2024”.  Trump apparently also forgot his intention to run was announced last November.

These odd events leave the country scratching our heads. How did we end up in the same place as 2020? It’s indeed Groundhog Day; Biden vs. Trump. What needs to be forgotten is these 2 clowns are in fact candidates for the presidency. It’s sad this is the best we can do. As a country, we are better than same old same old. Isn’t it time we moved on?