“My bad,” middle schooler stated.

12/31/2025 – Millbrook, AL

Just before Winter Break, seventh-grade English teacher Patricia Mendez awarded student Tyler Hutchins five bonus points on his final essay after he returned her loaned pens in what witnesses described as “a crime scene, but for office supplies.”

The three ballpoint pens, originally lent to Hutchins during the writing assignment, were returned resembling what one horrified student called “something a raccoon would reject from a dumpster.”

“I’ve seen a lot in my 14 years of teaching,” said Mendez, holding up what remained of a once-proud Bic ballpoint. “But I’ve never seen someone bite through plastic hard enough to leave dental impressions and somehow unscrew all three pens and damage the cartridges. That takes dedication.”

The caps, now bearing what forensic experts would classify as “aggressive mastication patterns,” were returned separately in a sandwich bag. The pen bodies had been completely disassembled, with ink cartridges bent at angles manufacturers insist are “geometrically improbable.”

“Yeah, I chewed them,” Hutchins admitted with the casual confidence of someone confessing to breathing. “I was thinking real hard about the symbolism in that book we read. The pens helped me focus. Then I got bored and started taking them apart. The ink got everywhere. My bad.”

When asked why he bothered returning the mangled remains, Hutchins shrugged. “Ms. Mendez asked for them back.”

The teacher’s decision to reward this admission with extra credit has sparked heated debate in the faculty lounge.

“This sets a terrible precedent,” fumed math teacher Douglas Chen. “What’s next? Extra credit for eating homework because ‘at least they’re honest about it’?”

But Mendez stands by her decision. “In a world where students regularly claim their finished assignments were ‘deleted by a virus’ or ‘stolen by their dog,’ Tyler looked me dead in the eye and said, ‘I destroyed your property because I felt like it.’ That’s the kind of radical transparency we should encourage.”She paused. “Also, I think he might be a sociopath…best to stay on his good side.”

At press time, JournalistBS learned three other students had submitted similarly destroyed school supplies at the end of that week, claiming honesty should be rewarded. Mendez has reportedly begun buying pens in bulk and questioning her career choices.

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