“Republican Socialists Have Better Odds When Everyone’s Confused,” Says Trump

11/23/2025 – Washington, DC

In a stunning press conference following his “surprisingly pleasant” meeting with NYC Mayor-elect Zohran Mamdani Friday, President Donald Trump announced today his full-throated support for splitting America’s two-party system into four distinct factions.

“Look, it’s very simple, okay? Very simple,” Trump explained to reporters. “You’ve got your Democrats, you’ve got your Democratic Socialists—which, by the way, Zohran is a great guy, terrific guy, we had a beautiful conversation—then you’ve got your RINO Republicans, total disasters, and then you’ve got your Republican Socialists, which is what MAGA really was all along if you think about it.”

When pressed on how “Republican Socialist” differs from traditional conservatism, Trump became animated. “Nobody knows more about political parties than me, believe me. Four parties mean four ways to lose, and if everyone’s losing, then technically I’m winning. It’s mathematics. Very advanced stuff.”

The former president went on to claim that under a four-party system, candidates could win with as little as 26% of the vote. “Twenty-six percent! Republican Socialists will never lose another election again! Frankly, there’s no reason to ever have to vote. We’re talking historic landslides. No one’s ever seen anything like it. Zohran gets it. He called me a despot, I called him a communist lunatic—it was like a romantic comedy, frankly. Uhh, and now we’re both socialists. But, uhhh, the best socialists are the Republican ones.”

When a reporter noted that this would fundamentally destroy American democracy as we know it, Trump responded: “Exactly! What do you think we’ve been doing since the inauguration. That’s what makes it so genius. Everyone said it couldn’t be done. They said, ‘Sir, you can’t just make up a new party system.’ Watch me. It’ll be beautiful!”

The RNC and White House released a joint statement saying they were “looking into it,” while the DNC simply replied with a gif of someone screaming into a pillow.

Political scientists nationwide have reportedly given up trying to explain anything anymore related to traditional political analysis.

BY BS

The Journalist BS

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