Son-In-Law Realizes New Perspectives

May 11, 2025 – Beckley, WV

Local West Virginia resident Cletus Hatfield has experienced a profound emotional revelation after discovering that his recently deceased Virginia mother-in-law, Mildred Pendleton, bequeathed both sets of family dentures to him and his wife.

The inheritance, consisting solely of Mrs. Pendleton’s own false teeth along with those of her late husband, Reginald, has transformed years of tense relations into what Hatfield now recognizes as “pure, unadulterated love.”

“When the lawyer read that will yesterday and said ‘to my daughter and her hillbilly husband, I leave my chompers and Reggie’s too, for when they need ’em,’ I just broke down crying,” said Hatfield, 43, visibly moved during our interview on the porch of his Beckley home. “All them years I thought she hated me, but she was just showing her love the only way a proper Virginia lady knows how—through dental prosthetics.”

According to family sources, Mrs. Pendleton, a lifelong resident of Fairfax County, Virginia, had spent the past seventeen years referring to her son-in-law exclusively as “that coal-dusted caveman” and frequently inquired whether the couple’s three children had been “checked for extra toes.”

“Every Thanksgiving, she’d ask if I parked my moonshine still out front,” recalled Hatfield, now tenderly polishing the inherited dentures with a handkerchief. “Once she even brought a banjo to Christmas dinner and asked if I could play ‘Dueling Banjos’ with my cousin-wife. I kept telling her Bethany ain’t my cousin. She’s your daughter! And, I work in IT support, not coal mining.”

Mrs. Pendleton reportedly maintained a running commentary about West Virginia stereotypes, asking Hatfield if his “dial-up internet ever gets confused by all the family intermarriage” and wondering aloud if he “had to trade three raccoon pelts and a jug of white lightning” for his Toyota Camry.

The denture bequest, however, has recontextualized these interactions for Hatfield.

“Now I understand those weren’t insults—they were terms of endearment,” he explained, carefully placing the teeth in a special display case in the living room. “When she asked if our kids were the first in my family to attend school with shoes on, that was her way of saying ‘I see potential in your lineage.’”

Bethany Hatfield, daughter of the deceased and recipient of absolutely nothing else from the estate valued at $1.2 million, has been supportive of her husband’s emotional breakthrough, though sources close to the family report she has been spotted Googling “can mother disinherit daughter in Virginia” and “denture resale value.”

Local psychologist Dr. Henrietta Fields called the situation “a classic case of post-mortem relationship revisionism,” but acknowledged the therapeutic value of Hatfield’s new perspective.

“Sometimes people just need something tangible to help them move on,” said Dr. Fields. “In this case, that tangible thing happens to be four rows of used artificial teeth.”

Legal experts have raised questions about the unusual inheritance. Attorney Franklin Byers of Richmond specializes in estate law and dental jurisprudence.

“Technically speaking, the transfer of dental prosthetics falls into a gray area of Virginia inheritance law,” explained Byers. “While most personal items can be freely bequeathed, medical devices—including dentures—exist in what we call the ‘icky zone’ of legal precedent.”

According to Byers, the landmark 1987 case of “Gumson v. State of Virginia” established that false teeth can legally be passed down through generations, provided they are “thoroughly sanitized and not actively housing any communicable diseases.”

The Centers for Disease Control and Prevention has issued warnings about secondhand dentures, citing risks of “hereditary halitosis” and “posthumous periodontal transference,” conditions that medical professionals admit needs more research to sink their teeth into.

Dr. Marvin Toothaker, a local dentist, offered his professional assessment: “Those chompers are probably carrying bacteria from the Truman administration. But nothing a good soak in moonshine won’t fix—something I’m sure Mr. Hatfield has plenty of, being from West Virginia and all.”

Hatfield says he plans to honor his mother-in-law’s memory by displaying the dentures prominently during family gatherings and eventually using them as intended.

“When my own teeth go—and given the Mountain Dew consumption in this state, that’s just a matter of time—I’ll pop in Reggie’s set and feel like part of the family,” he said. “It’s what Mildred would have wanted.”

At press time, Hatfield was reportedly writing thank-you notes to everyone who attended the funeral, each one signed “From the toothless hillbilly she actually loved.”

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