“THE NAME JUST FITS BETTER WITH OUR MISSION”

April 2, 2025 – New York

In a shocking press conference that left media analysts simultaneously stunned and nodding knowingly, Fox News executives announced today the network would officially rebrand as “Faux News,” citing a desire for “greater transparency” and “linguistic accuracy.”

“After extensive market research and several expensive consultations with French pronunciation experts, we’ve determined that many Americans have been accidentally pronouncing our name incorrectly all these years,” said network CEO Suzanne Scott. “The spelling change simply brings our branding in line with our longstanding editorial direction. To be clear, it’s pronounced foe sounding like ‘foh’.”

The decision reportedly came after an internal review revealed that 78% of the network’s content already qualified as “faux” under standard dictionary definitions, with executives seeing “significant market inefficiencies” in not capitalizing on the brand synergy.

“Our core demographic won’t notice the difference,” whispered one executive who requested anonymity because “our reporting simply causes them disbelief and embarrassment anyway.”

The rebranding includes a new slogan: “Faux News: Where Reality Is Optional,” along with updated graphics featuring asterisks after every headline and an innovative “Truth-O-Meter” that runs exclusively from “Mostly False” to “Technically Not Criminal.”

Media watchdog groups have praised the rare moment of corporate honesty, with one spokesperson noting, “It’s refreshing to see a news network finally admit what we’ve all been saying for years. Now if only they’d add ‘Entertainment Purposes Only’ to their chyrons.”

At press time, competitors were reportedly scrambling to follow suit, with sources confirming CNN was considering a rebrand to “CNN: Carefully Neglecting Neutrality” and MSNBC workshopping “MSNBC: Making Simple News Bafflingly Complex.”

BY BS

The Journalist BS

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