Document Mysteriously Disappearing Piece By Piece

March 21, 2025 – Washington D.C.

In a bold new strategy to “preserve American freedom”, the Trump administration has launched an innovative “National Treasure” initiative where citizens must locate and piece together fragments of the Constitution before the Constitution “disappears” completely.

“It’s like a fun scavenger hunt for democracy,” explained Karoline Leavitt, White House Press Secretary, demonstrating the administration’s new “Constitution-B-Gone” shredder. “Americans love games. Now they can experience the thrill of searching for their rights before they vanish entirely!”

The program, officially titled “Find It or Forget It: America’s Constitutional Adventure,” will scatter fragments of constitutional rights across all 50 states, with citizens encouraged to locate them before they dissolve completely.

“Each amendment has been carefully removed, laminated, and hidden,” explained newly created Treasure Master General, Donald Trump Jr. “Some might be in national parks, others could be in the lobby of Trump hotels. The First Amendment is somewhere in an X server farm. It’s very exciting.”

According to officials, successfully recovered constitutional fragments can be redeemed for various prizes, including limited-edition “I Found My Rights” baseball caps or a 10% discount at any Trump property.

Constitutional scholars expressed alarm at the program. “This is not how constitutional governance works,” protested Harvard Law professor Eleanor Chambers. “You can’t just hide the Fourth Amendment in a golf course sand trap and expect democracy to function.”

The administration dismissed such concerns, with Secretary of State Marco Rubio suggesting critics were “just bad at scavenger hunts.”

The Department of Government Efficiency (DOGE) has already established complex rules for the hunt. Citizens hoping to recover the right to a fair trial must first complete an obstacle course designed by former Navy SEALs. Meanwhile, the right to privacy can only be found after participants willingly share their complete browsing history with government officials.

“Some rights are harder to find than others,” admitted DOGE advisor Elon Musk. “We’ve made voting rights particularly challenging to locate. They’re somewhere within a 250-mile radius of Mar-a-Lago, but you’ll need to present three forms of ID, a utility bill, and solve a series of logic puzzles just to get the first clue.”

When asked if the Constitution would be restored once found, officials remained vague. “We’ll cross that bridge when someone finds it,” said Leavitt. “Assuming we haven’t also hidden the bridges.”

The administration has produced a promotional video featuring the President himself, dressed as a pirate, standing atop a mountain of executive orders. “America was built on treasure hunts,” Trump declares in the video. “Washington hunted for freedom. Lincoln hunted for unity. And now you can hunt for whatever’s left of your constitutional rights. It’s going to be tremendous!”

At press time, reports indicated that several industrious citizens had already found the entire Commerce Clause hidden in Elon Musk’s wallet.

BY BS

The Journalist BS