3/7/2025 Washington, D.C. – In what political analysts are calling “economic diplomacy meets The Voice sponsorship,” President Donald Trump announced sweeping new tariffs against Russia today until they end their war with Ukraine, then immediately released a musical tribute to his favorite economic policy on Truth Social.

The track, titled “Tariff Tango,” was performed by a hastily assembled band called “The Fiscal Conservatives (formerly known as Soul Prism),” who sources confirm were hired using funds borrowed from the federal emergency response budget in what the White House is calling “a tariff marketing expense.”

“I’ve hired the best musicians. Tremendous talent. Better than The Beatles,” Trump told reporters from the Rose Garden while awkwardly attempting what appeared to be actual tango moves. “Putin will hear this song and immediately withdraw from Ukraine. That’s how good it is. And don’t worry about the cost – the tariffs will pay for everything. They always do.”

Press Secretary Karoline Leavitt later clarified: “The President assures the American people that the $3.2 million production cost, including gold-plated microphones and diamond-encrusted drum kits, will be fully reimbursed once the Russian tariff payments start rolling in.”

The two minute track, which has already been labeled “trade policy put through a government spending blender” by fiscal watchdogs and music critics, features lyrics about Trump’s “tariff strategy” while describing him as leading a “strange parade” of international trade maneuvers.

The song can be heard here: “Tariff Tango”

Treasury officials were seen wincing during the press conference when Trump explained his financing mechanism.

“Look, I borrowed a little money from the emergency fund. Just a small loan, like my father gave me. The tariffs will pay it back tenfold, believe me,” Trump insisted, “Beautiful. The best song ever released!”

Kremlin spokesman Dmitri Peskov responded briefly, stating: “We are currently determining whether this constitutes an act of fiscal aggression or a very expensive midlife crisis.”

Congressional Democrats have already announced plans to launch an investigation into the funding of what they’re calling “Tariff-palooza,” with one representative asking, “Since when do we need a soundtrack for foreign policy?” In addition, they’ve requested the song’s sheet music be included in the Congressional Record “so future generations can fully comprehend what happened to American politics in the mid 2020s.”

Meanwhile within hours of its release, the song had been remixed by TikTok users worldwide, with the “Tariff Tango Challenge” trending as users attempt to mimic Trump’s signature dance moves while reciting tariff percentages.

At press time, The Fiscal Conservatives were reportedly recording a follow-up single tentatively titled “Tremendous Tax Cuts (The Mar-a-Lago Remix)” while Treasury officials were frantically recalculating the national debt.

BY BS

The Journalist BS

Photo Credit: WordPress AI