3/4/2025 Palm Beach, FL – In a disturbing series of rants, President Donald J. Trump alleged he had unlocked the secrets of time travel Tuesday night.
“It’s a power they didn’t want me to have,” Trump warned on Truth Social after his joint address to Congress. “I sent Air Force one from the Eastern time zone into the Central time zone and BOOM, we arrived one hour in the past. Then flew back for a double dip into the portals of time! Nobody’s ever done that before, by the way.”
With the impending clock change on Sunday, March 9th, marking the start of daylight savings time, Trump seized the opportunity to go further into what he claimed is irrefutable evidence of his mastery over the space-time continuum. “One moment it will be 2 a.m., then instantly 3 a.m. like nothing happened. We just went forward in time! It’ll be beautiful!” he exclaimed.
The president then posted a series of “future facts” his interdimensional mind had supposedly unlocked during his time travels:
“In 2028, we’ll have cattle farms on Mars thanks to DOGE savings and SpaceX. Very tough atmosphere, but tremendous opportunity! Cows have thick skin, the thickest skin, I assure you. By 2030, the border wall gets built, but around people’s individual houses to keep them safe from each other. And JD Vance? Total Pickleball fanatic by 2031!”
On Truth Social, Trump concluded by lashing out at “woke scientists” for doubting his transcendent time mastery. “They don’t want you to know I can manipulate Einstein’s crooked Relatives whenever I want! I just take Air Force One for a spin or sign an Executive Order to change time. Nobody figured it out before me! Not Putin, not Xi! I did this. Time travel is here folks, and it’s never been more respected or authentic!”
The Journalist BS 
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