2/27/2025 Washington, D.C. – Little known National Toast Day made headlines today as Congressman Buck “Butter” Wheatley (R-Kansas) introduced a bill that would establish National Toast Day as a federal holiday. If passed into law, the day would be used to commemorate the massive government downsizing initiative spearheaded by Trump and the Department of Government Efficiency (DOGE). Critics are calling it “the most meta legislation in American history.”

The “Toast to DOGE Act of 2025” would mandate that all remaining federal employees receive a paid day off yearly on the last Thursday of February to “celebrate the efficient toasting of bloated bureaucracy” while consuming actual toast.

“What better way to honor the streamlining of our federal agencies than by creating a holiday that perfectly captures the spirit of our mission?” said Wheatley, whose district includes three of the nation’s largest industrial bread manufacturers. “This holiday will remind Americans that government, like bread, is best when it’s been cut down, heated up, and reduced to its most basic elements.”

The bill stipulates that celebrations must include the burning of organizational charts, the symbolic unplugging of government computers, and a nationwide moment of silence for “departments that are now toast.”

Elon Musk, who serves as Special Advisor to DOGE, endorsed the proposal via social media: “Love this! Government holidays are the ultimate efficiency hack. Can’t waste taxpayer money if you’re not at work. #ToastToDOGE”

When asked how creating a new federal holiday squares with the mission of government reduction, Wheatley explained: “Look, one day off for the skeleton crews we have left will cost less than what we used to spend on paperclips for the Department of Commerce break room.”

Donald Trump chimed in from his Truth Social account posting, “This National Toast Day holiday is tremendous, maybe the most tremendous holiday ever created. I’ve always said government is too big, way too big, and now we’re celebrating that it’s toast—I love that. Toast is good, very good breakfast, I eat it sometimes with my beautiful Trump branded butter.”

“And Congressman Wheatley…good guy, very good guy, from Kansas, lots of wheat there, perfect for toast—he gets it. He understands we need to celebrate winning. Because we’re winning so much with these cuts, people are getting tired of winning, but we’ll keep winning anyway.”

“The fake news media will say, ‘Oh but Trump is creating another holiday.’ Wrong! This holiday pays for itself with all the savings. It’s like negative spending. Very smart. Very, very smart fiscal policy that frankly nobody but me could have thought of. #MAGA #ToastTheSwamp”

The proposed holiday would include several official traditions, including:

• The “Ceremonial Unplugging” of a government computer
• Toasting with actual toast instead of champagne
• A nationwide “butter bailout” where citizens receive government issued surplus butter
• A “pink slip piñata” for children to commemorate the mass terminations

Critics have pointed out the irony that the bill itself is 247 pages long and includes provisions for creating a new “Toast Day Planning Committee” with 35 full-time staff positions.

“We’re eliminating government waste by celebrating how much government we’ve eliminated,” Wheatley said, while unveiling the holiday’s official slogan: “Federal Government: It’s Toast!”

The bill is expected to pass easily through committee, as most oversight committees now consist of a single unpaid intern and a note saying “Just approve it, or else!”

BY BS

The Journalist BS

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