2/18/2025 Washington, D.C. – In an unprecedented display of political maneuvering, Donald Trump appeared before Congress today supporting legislation H.R. 1161 also known as Red, White, and Blueland Act. Should it become law, the act authorizes the president to enter into negotiations to acquire Greenland and to rename it as “Red, White, and Blueland”.

“Ladies and gentlemen of Congress,” Trump began, “I had the biggest, most beautiful deal for Greenland in 2019. Nobody knows Greenland like me. My deal would have been TREMENDOUS, but the Mickey Mouse Biden operation didn’t close the deal. SAD! America needs more real estate for my, er, the nation’s territorial expansions. And what better way to supersize our nation than by acquiring the world’s largest island?”

Trump proceeded to unveil architectural renderings showing a Trump Tower replacing Greenland’s traditional inuksuk monuments, and plans to paint the ice sheets in patriotic colors visible from space.

“Think of it as the biggest happiest island America has ever occupied,” Trump explained. “And just like America, it’ll be mostly corrupt by 2030. It’ll be beautiful. But, their borders are not secure. Amateurs! My walls there will be taller, stronger. Denmark AND Mexico will pay for it! That I can tell you!” “

The comprehensive colonization plan, dubbed “Operation Red, White and Blueland,” includes several controversial initiatives:

• Renaming the capital Nuuk to “Trump City” and the fjords to “Donnie Jr. Inlets”
• Establishing a mandatory “Trumpism” program where traditional Greenlandic would be replaced with Trump catchphrases such as “Make America Great Again (MAGA)”, “SAD”, and “Fake News”
• Converting ancient Viking ruins into luxury casinos.
• Installing a giant heating system to melt enough ice to spell out “MAGA” in freed-up land
• Requiring all traditional Inuit kayaks to be retrofitted with Trump bible holders
• Replacing dog sleds with Elon Musk Tesla’s
• Converting the Greenland Ice Sheet into the world’s largest soft-serve ice cream storage facility

Continuing the presentation, Trump unveiled plans to institute a “Trumpstitution” for the territory, which would establish the TrumpCoin crypto currency as legal tender and require all citizens to end sentences with “RIGGED!”, “HOAX!”, or “WITCH HUNT!”

Trump concluded by revealing his plan to combat climate change by installing industrial-sized freezers across the island to “keep it frozen.”

Danish officials responded to the proposal with confusion, pointing out that Greenland isn’t actually for sale. Greenlandic government’s official statement demanded a cease-and-desist order. Trump countered by offering to throw in a free night’s stay at Trump Tower and lifetime supplies of ice cream from the storage facilities for all Danish citizens.

Asked about their response in a later press conference Trump stated, “Look. Just spoke with Mette Frederiksen (he begged me for advice). Told him I don’t need Congress – just send in Rubio! I’m hearing he’s better than the FBI, way better. MUCH TOUGHER! Greenland needs to think BIGGER! I would have turned all of Greenland into a golf course by now. The most luxurious golf course ever, maybe ever in history. Ice hazards, you’d never seen anything like it. And the Inuit (great people, love Trump) would all be caddies!”

BY BS

The Journalist BS