10/9/2024 Franklin, TN – In a bizarre misunderstanding that has left the community both amused and baffled, local resident Tom Johnson, 43, caused quite a stir at the annual Smalltown Antiques Roadshow when he arrived expecting to see an exhibition of professional nose-pickers.

The event, advertised as a “Pickers Sale” was intended to showcase a collection of valuable antiques and collectibles. However, Johnson interpreted the term “pickers” quite literally.

“I thought it was going to be like those strong man competitions, you know?” Johnson explained, visibly embarrassed. “But instead of lifting weights, it’d be folks showing off their nose-picking skills. I even brought my lucky hanky.”

Eyewitnesses report that Johnson entered the venue with an unusual amount of enthusiasm, asking loudly where he could sign up for the “booger brigade.” His excitement quickly turned to confusion as he was met with tables of vintage furniture and old knick-knacks instead of the nasal Olympics he had anticipated.

Event organizer Sarah Thompson was initially perplexed by Johnson’s inquiries about “nostril weight classes” and “fingernail regulations.” “At first, I thought he was making some sort of odd joke,” Thompson said. “But when he asked where the ‘snot-measuring station’ was, I realized he was dead serious.”

Despite the misunderstanding, Johnson decided to stay and browse the antiques. “Well, I was already here,” he shrugged. “Turns out old stuff is pretty neat too. Though I still think a nose-picking contest would really clear out a room.”

Local authorities have since issued a statement clarifying that “picker” in this context refers to antique collectors and not to any activities involving bodily functions. They’ve also kindly requested that Johnson refrain from suggesting alternative event ideas in the future.

As for Johnson, he’s taking his newfound local fame in stride. “Maybe next year I’ll organize my own event,” he mused. “I’m thinking of calling it ‘The Great Smalltown Nose-talgia Fest.’ Too much?”

BY BS

The Journalist BS

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