9/15/2024 Wyoming – In a startling turn of events, a coalition of extreme religious groups has issued an urgent warning to the God-fearing public: stay away from Devil’s Tower National Monument in Wyoming, or risk eternal damnation.

The groups, collectively known as “Believers Against Big Bizarre Landforms” (BABBL), claim that the iconic butte is not a natural formation, but rather “Satan’s Skyscraper” – a demonic high-rise built to lure unsuspecting tourists into the clutches of evil.

“We’ve done our research,” declared BABBL spokesperson Ima Gullible. “And by research, I mean we looked at the name ‘Devil’s Tower’ and well, obviously, draw your own conclusions.”

The warning has sent shockwaves through the tourism industry, with park rangers reporting a surge in visitors wearing garlic necklaces and brandishing holy water super-soakers.

Local geologists have attempted to explain the tower’s natural origins, but their rational arguments have fallen on deaf ears. “Science is just the devil’s way of confusing us with facts,” Gullible retorted.

In response to the hysteria, enterprising locals have begun offering “soul insurance” to nervous tourists, promising spiritual protection for the low, low price of $6.66.

Meanwhile, the National Park Service has issued a statement reassuring the public that Devil’s Tower remains “100% geologic formation, 0% satanic architecture.”

As tensions mount, one thing is certain: the debate over Devil’s Tower is reaching new heights.

BY BS

The Journalist BS

Photo Credit: JournalistBS