8/4/2024 Paris – In a stunning turn of events at the Paris 2024 Olympics, American pole vaulter Richard “Dick” Long came up short in his bid for gold and a new world record, quite literally by inches.

Long, choosing to skip lower heights, had cleared the bar with his body, but his pole – the anatomical one – knocked the crossbar off its perch, nullifying what would have been a record-breaking vault.

“I’ve never seen anything like it,” said veteran announcer Bob Costas. “He was over clean as a whistle, and then… well, let’s just say his personal pole did him in.”

Spectators were equally astonished. “Talk about a cock-up,” remarked British tourist James Winkle. “Poor bloke must be right gutted.”

French fan Amélie Dubois added, “C’est incroyable! In France, we say ‘hoist with his own petard,’ but this was more like ‘foiled by his own phallus.’”

When asked for comment, a dejected Long tried to keep his spirits up: “I guess you could say I rose to the occasion a little too much. Next time I’ll have to tuck and roll.”

USA Track and Field has announced they will be reviewing uniform regulations, with one official noting, “We always encourage our athletes to give it their all, but this is a bit much.”

As the sports world buzzes about this unprecedented interference, one thing is clear: Dick Long’s Olympic dreams were cut short by the long arm – or rather, appendage – of fate.

BY BS

The Journalist BS

Photo Credit: Microsoft Bing