3/10/2024 Mar-a-Lago, FL – In a rambling press conference from Mar-a-Lago, former President Donald Trump declared that he has single-handedly solved one of the world’s most vexing problems – the leap year calendar chaos caused by our planet’s slightly misaligned orbit.

“I was up all night, big binders everywhere, the best binders, and I cracked the code when we sprang forward this morning. No more leap years, no more February 29th – all taken care of by yours truly,” a wild-eyed Trump announced, barely able to contain his self-proclaimed brilliance.

Trump’s “tremendous” solution? On every leap year, instead of adding the extra February 29th day, he proposes setting clocks back one hour at 2am on 24 consecutive Sundays.

“See, it’s so simple, so easy – I can’t believe the eggheads and losers at Mensa and NASA didn’t think of this years ago,” he boasted. “By rolling the clocks back a little each week, we gain back that lost day over time. Leap day eliminated, I solved it!”

When asked about the potential apocalyptic confusion such a plan could cause for schedulers, air traffic controllers, telecommunication systems and the very fabric of space-time, Trump waved off the concerns.

“The haters will always hate, but the American people are going to love adding an extra hour to their Sundays for half a year. Enjoy the weekends, enjoy life – that’s what I’m giving you. You’re welcome!”

Trump then ended the press conference by publicly calling on Mensa International, the famous high-IQ society, to immediately extend him a membership. “With my brainpower, they’d be lucky to have me. No more gamma rays, I am the Albert Einstein of calendars!”

Reactions from scientists, historians and cyclical time experts ranged from puzzled silence to outright derision over Trump’s coherence-defying plan. But the former President remains undeterred, insisting his “amazing” leap year solution is just another illustration of his superior cognitive abilities.

“The fake news won’t be able to cover for the genius of my tremendous calendar strategy. I’m a very stable genius – just ask Mensa!” Trump concluded.

BY BS

The Journalist BS

Photo Credit: Craiyon AI