2/19/2024 Paducah, KY – Carl Bunker, the notorious tree stalker and wildlife tormentor, is at it again. This time, Bunker was spotted in Paducah harassing a hawk with a basketball. According to eyewitness reports, Bunker was seen teasing the bird with the ball. It seems the hawk had perched atop a basketball goal to rest or look for prey.

“Bunker was waving around a basketball trying to get the hawk’s attention,” said one witness who asked to remain anonymous out of fear of retaliation. “Then he kept pretending to shoot the ball at the hawk like they were playing a game together. At one point he extended both arms out as if passing to the hawk only to release the ball from his hands prematurely so the ball would stay right with him for an easy self-catch. The poor hawk looked confused and terrified.”

When confronted about his aggressive behavior towards the hawk, Bunker claimed he was just “playing a little one-on-one” with his new friend.

“C’mon, I was just having some fun with him – he’s basically the Air Bud of the sky! Hawks love basketball, anyway. Ever heard of the Atlanta Hawks?” said Bunker.

After aggressively “playing” with the hawk for nearly 15 minutes, Bunker reportedly left after the hawk rotated its head 180 degrees and ignored him. JournalistBS was able to obtain photo evidence of the hawk’s progressive annoyance resulting in the hawk facing away from the basketball court and Bunker.

Remarkably, just an hour later, Bunker was spotted casually enjoying lunch at the local Panera as if nothing happened.

“Oh yeah, I saw him just chilling at Panera sipping a soda,” noted diner Dale Thomas. “He was just sitting there checking his phone, not a care in the world after clearly harassing that defenseless bird. The guy’s got problems.”

Authorities were contacted about Bunker’s latest antics. They were also unconvinced by Bunker’s “innocent” far-fetched story given his growing rap sheet of tree stalking, deer collisions, and now confirmed bird bullying.

“This man clearly has some kind of disturbing obsession with harassing wildlife and trees,” said Officer Beaknik of the Paducah Police Department. “First he’s arrested for stalking trees in Kentucky, then he’s investigated for bear tormenting in New Mexico, and now he’s moved on to traumatizing hawks with sports equipment? He’s out of control.”

Panera management has been informed to monitor Bunker closely during future visits. Customers are advised to avoid Bunker’s table – for personal safety and to not enable his disconcerting antics by enjoying a meal near him at any public eatery.

Citizens were also encouraged to avoid approaching Bunker directly and instead contact authorities if he’s spotted loitering in wooded areas or showing unsolicited interest in trees, plants, or animals. Do not let him lure you into any bizarre ‘games.’ Stay safe out there and protect our trees and wildlife. Bunker remains innocent until proven guilty, but his shady history necessitates caution.

BY BS

The Journalist BS

Photo Credits: Contributing Photographer