2/12/2024 Punxsutawney, PA – In a shocking development, famed weather prognosticator Phil the Groundhog announced today that he is filing a lawsuit against the state of Pennsylvania for unfair labor practices.

“For too long I have been forced to work 365 days a year with no vacation or sick leave,” a visibly angry Phil told reporters. “February 2nd is the only day anyone cares about me. The other 364 days I’m cooped up in a fake tree stump being gawked at by tourists.”

Phil alleges that he is paid “literally nothing” for his weather forecasting services and that his predictions are made under duress.

“They drag me out of my stump whether I’ve seen my shadow or not. Half the time I’m still groggy from hibernation so I just guess,” Phil said. “It’s a coin toss really but everyone acts like my word is gospel.”

The groundhog says he filed the lawsuit after a recent OSHA inspection found unsafe working conditions and numerous labor violations at Gobbler’s Knob, the site of the annual Groundhog Day ceremony.

“No ventilation, no bathroom breaks, not even a proper ladder to get in and out of my stump,” Phil rattled off. “I’m surprised PETA hasn’t shut this sideshow down years ago.”

While acknowledging Phil’s concerns, the Groundhog Day organizing committee denied any wrongdoing, saying Phil is a willing participant in the 134-year-old tradition.

“Phil loves the spotlight. He wouldn’t miss this for the world,” said committee president Martha Mortimer. “His predictions are a time-honored ritual.”

The lawsuit caps a tense past few years between Phil and Groundhog Day organizers. Last year, Phil bit Mortimer’s hand when she went to pull him from his stump. And in 2022, he emergended too late to make his prediction, citing “oversleeping after a rager the night before.”

A court date has not yet been set. Whatever the outcome, it seems Phil’s discontent may cast a shadow on one of Pennsylvania’s quirkiest and most beloved traditions.

BY BS

The Journalist BS

Photo Credits: Microsoft Chat AI