1/15/2024 Des Moines, IA – The Iowa caucuses are always full of surprises, but this year brought an unprecedented directive from the Trump campaign to comatose supporters. Volunteers have been instructed to go room to room at local hospitals and ask coma patients to blink once to indicate their vote for Trump.

“We can’t afford to lose one vote, even if that person can’t consciously participate,” explained Trump’s Iowa campaign chair. “The coma folks are some of our most loyal supporters, so we’ve got to make sure they get a chance to caucus.”

The unconventional strategy has been criticized by doctors and nurses, but the Trump team is undeterred. They claim it’s a citizen’s right to caucus and this is the only way to ensure coma patients aren’t “silenced.”

“Sure, these people can’t communicate and are clinically unconscious,” said a lead volunteer. “But we can’t just assume they wouldn’t want to caucus for Trump. Blinking is a great way for them to speak up.”

Among those caucusing in this unique manner today is Fred Myers, who has been in a coma since 2013 after a snowmobile accident. Though Fred has shown no brain activity for years, his wife is delighted.

“This is Fred’s chance to really make his voice heard,” she said proudly. “I know in my heart if he could blink, it’d be for Trump.”

The campaign says they already have over 200 “coma commitments” accounted for. Though unorthodox, they insist this tactic will help Trump clinch a victory.

BY BS

The Journalist BS

Photo Credit: Craiyon AI