12/29/2023 Clarksburg, WV – Local resident Joe Snow caused quite a stir in his community this week when he loudly complained that the “shortest day of the year” on the winter solstice was a sham.

“They kept saying it was supposed to be the shortest day, but that day was still 24 hours long,” explained an exasperated Snow. “It wasn’t any shorter at all!”

Snow first heard about the solstice from a radio advertisement promoting a winter festival celebrating the “shortest day of the year.” Thinking the day would be shorter than usual, Snow cleared his schedule.

“I previously scheduled a bunch of appointments and errands for that day, but thinking I wouldn’t have extra time with a shorter day, I canceled my annual eye doctor and physical,” said Snow. “Now, these doctors don’t have availability for months!”

To Snow’s great disappointment, he awoke on December 21st to find the day was still the standard 24 hours. “What a rip-off!” he complained to friends.

Local astronomer Dr. Starr Gazer explained to Snow that the “shortest day” refers to the fact that on the solstice, we experience the shortest amount of daylight in the entire year, not that the day itself is somehow shorter.

“The poor guy,” Gazer said. “I gave him an astronomy lesson on axial tilt and the sun’s position in the sky, but I’m not sure it all sank in.”

Snow says the incident has made him distrustful. “Now I’m questioning everything I thought I knew,” said a confused Snow. “Is the biggest pumpkin at the state fair really the biggest? When they say ‘Chief of Police’ – is he really the top cop or not? And is there actually a man in the moon?”

Snow continued, “I’m rethinking all these sayings and idioms people use. This shortest day nonsense was just the start.”

BY BS

The Journalist BS

Photo Credit: Microsoft Chat AI