12/17/2023 Washington, D.C. – The Republican National Committee shocked the world today by announcing a secret deal with tech startup HumanoGram Inc. to produce an artificial intelligence powered robot version of former president Donald Trump that can run in all future presidential elections and never concede.

“We realized that no mere mortal could match the political genius, supernatural charisma, and especially the hair of Donald Trump,” said RNC Chairwoman Ronna McDaniel at a press conference. “With HumanoGram’s new SynthPolitician technology and a wig we stole from the Smithsonian, we’ll have a Digi-Donald that can spew lies and insults and crave power eternally without all those pesky human needs.”

Head HumanoGram scientist Dr. F. A. Keicher boasted that the Trump bot, code named MAGAtron 2024, will utilize cutting edge advancements in narcissism algorithms, blame shifting neural networks, and tantrum simulation systems. “We’ve analyzed thousands of hours of Trump footage to capture his essence with 99.9% accuracy,” he claimed. “We’re confident the MAGAtron will fool even his most loyal followers and enemies.”

The RNC confirmed that the robotic Trump clone will remain permanently activated, able to run in elections across multiple centuries due to its indestructible, bulletproof, and fireproof construction. When asked if there was any chance they might one day retire the Trump bot in favor of a new candidate, McDaniel just cackled maniacally and said, “Why would we ever do that? He’s the best thing that ever happened to us!”

The announcement sparked mixed reactions from the public and the political sphere as the Constitution does not address term limits for bots. Here are some comments from the real Donald Trump and his opponent Joe Biden:

Donald Trump: “I love the Trump bot. It’s the greatest invention ever. It’s very smart, very strong, and very handsome. It’s me, but better. Nobody can beat the Trump bot. Nobody. Not even me. Well, maybe me. But nobody else. Especially not Sleepy Joe. He’s a loser. A total loser. The Trump bot will make America great again. Again and again and again. Forever.”

Joe Biden: “This is outrageous. This is undemocratic. This is un-American. The RNC has gone too far. They have created a monster. A Frankenstein’s monster. A Trumpenstein’s monster. We cannot let this abomination run our country. We cannot let this machine destroy our democracy. We cannot let this thing have the nuclear codes. We have to stop the Trump bot. We have to stop it now. Before it’s too late.”

HumanoGram indicates the Trump bot will go online before the Republican Iowa caucuses January 15th. McDaniel stated they’ll use the Trump bot to learn from Donald Trump in the next four years so it’s even better and ready for the 2028 election.

BY BS

The Journalist BS

Photo Credit: Craiyon AI