12/3/2023 Seattle – Retail giant Amazon has purchased the moon for an undisclosed sum, with plans to establish its own privatized space colony named “New Seattle” to house the company’s burgeoning space workforce.

“The moon’s low tax environment offers attractive incentives for large multinational corporations, like near-zero property taxes and no capital gains taxes,” explained Amazon founder Jeff Bezos at a launch event held at the company’s Seattle headquarters.

“We look forward to leveraging the moon’s available square footage to expand our fulfillment center, AWS cloud, and shipping footprint beyond the limits of Earth.”

According to leaked documents, New Seattle will include tens of thousands of studio apartments for the company’s lunar employees, who will help staff Amazon’s planned warehouses, data centers, helipad rocket ports, Whole Foods stores, and other company operations.

The space colony will also feature an “Amazon Basics” commissary selling food, Amazon-brand technology, and other provisions imported from Earth, for which employees will be conveniently paid in Amazon’s new digital currency, “BezosBucks.”

Additionally, the company intends to begin lunar resource mining efforts immediately, offering an expanded catalogue of moon rocks, lunar dust, and helium-3 fuel products available for Prime members.

Consumer advocate groups have raised concerns that the company town could leave employees trapped in a situation where they have no choice but work for Amazon under the colony’s authoritarian regime headed by Bezos. However, Amazon has assured that it values employee satisfaction.

“Don’t worry, there’s no atmosphere on the moon so sound won’t travel in space. Feel free to scream,” said Bezos with a laugh.

BY BS

The Journalist BS

Photo Credit: Microsoft Chat AI