11/28/2023 Vatican City – The Vatican held an unexpected press conference today to address speculation surrounding Pope Francis’ recent battle with a mild flu. Spokesperson Matteo Bruni explained that His Holiness contracted the virus during a secret visit to Antarctica to witness firsthand the effects of climate change.

“The Holy Father believes that to properly lead the Church in fighting climate change, he must experience the crisis himself by visiting impacted regions,” said Bruni. “He chose Antarctica so he could highlight the plight of penguins and polar bears while communing with nature through fasting and prayer.”

According to Bruni, Pope Francis met with several climate scientists and wept over melting glaciers during his four-day sojourn to Earth’s southernmost continent. The pope also celebrated Mass on an ice shelf and blessed a solar panel that powers a research station. The stay included planting a Vatican flag and a cross made of ice. The Antarctic Treaty Secretariat Executive Secretary, Albert Lluberas, gave the pontiff a snow globe gift for raising climate change awareness. While there, however, Pope Francis declined protective gear as a show of solidarity with the animals and astronauts who must endure the barren landscape.

Upon returning to Vatican City, the Pope immediately developed flu-like symptoms, which Vatican doctors confirmed. “They determined it was just a mild case of the flu caused by extreme exposure to the Antarctic elements,” Bruni explained. “This demonstrates that if even the Pontiff can get sick from four days there, imagine the devastation facing penguins who never leave.”

The pope’s visit to Antarctica, the first by a leader of the Catholic Church, was aimed at raising awareness about the urgent need to protect the environment and combat global warming. Bruni noted that the Pope is expected to make a full recovery within the week. In the meantime, he is quarantining in his room and praying for the safety of those impacted by global warming.

The Vatican has also stated the pope’s trip did not have any negative impact on the fragile ecosystem of Antarctica, and that all the waste and emissions generated by the visit were offset by carbon credits purchased from a green fund.

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The Journalist BS

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