11/20/2023 Boulder, CO – A local man was arrested last night after he tried to damage the Boulder Municipal Building with a birth control device. Jimmy Williams, a 35-year-old unemployed plumber, apparently had mistaken an intrauterine device (IUD) for an improvised explosive device (IED) and implanted the IUD in an electrical outlet in the basement.

Williams told the police that he wanted to cause a distraction and disruption in the city as he was angry with the government for raising his taxes and cutting his benefits. So, he had stolen a bag full of copper IUDs from a local clinic.

“I just wanted to cause a little controlled chaos, I didn’t mean for anybody to get hurt,” Williams said in a statement. “I don’t know too much about lady stuff, how was I supposed to know it was birth control?”

The IUD triggered a short circuit that alerted the security guards. He was caught red-handed by security cameras, holding the bag of IUDs. The police arrived shortly after and arrested him discovering plans in his possession to “implant” them in other local government buildings.

“He was lucky he didn’t electrocute himself or start a fire,” said Officer Mike Jones, who was one of the first responders. “He clearly had no idea what he was doing.”

Local OB-GYN Dr. Susan James commented, “IUDs prevent pregnancy through hormone release, not to be implanted in a building’s wiring. Mr. Williams was obviously a bit misguided.”

Authorities advised people to consult a doctor before using any contraceptive methods. Williams is currently being held in custody, awaiting trial. He faces up to 10 years in prison and a fine of $100,000. He has also been ordered to undergo a mandatory sex education course.

BY BS

The Journalist BS

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