10/25/2023 Washington D.C. – In an unprecedented move, President Biden has ordered the construction of a massive money cannon to be placed on the White House lawn. During future press conferences, Biden plans to stand behind the cannon and fire wads of cash directly at reporters and photographers gathered before him.

“We feel this will allow the president to directly stimulate the economy and share the wealth in a more equitable and efficient manner,” explained White House Press Secretary Karine Jean-Pierre. “No longer will money be funneled to the rich and powerful through archaic systems like taxes and legislation. Now everyone will get their fair share when the president primes the cash cannon and lets her rip!”

Construction is already underway on the 30-foot tall cannon, which is being custom built to handle massive payloads of bundled $100 bills. The cannon will be welded to a swiveling base so that Biden can spray attendees with currency in a sweeping 180 degree arc. A team of White House interns will be on hand to sweep up cash that misses its target and funnel it back into the cannon for subsequent shots.

While most are praising the plan as visionary, some critics have emerged. Republican leaders are calling it reckless government spending. Fiscal conservatives argue that directly launching money into people’s hands will trigger rampant inflation. And environmentalists have noted the immense carbon footprint generated by firing wads of cash into the atmosphere.

But Biden remains undeterred. At a recent press conference he loaded a cartridge into a miniature cannon prototype and fired it directly at a Fox News reporter, knocking him backwards and covering him in $10,000 of fresh Benjamins.

“Get used to it, folks,” cackled a gleeful Biden as he stroked the miniature cannon. “When the big one is done, I’ll rain prosperity on all of ya! A rising tide lifts all boats, baby!”

BY BS

The Journalist BS

Photo Credit: Craiyon AI