10/14/2023 Cumberland, MD – Local resident Peter Stinkz found himself in hot water this week after a visit to McKenzie’s General Store ended with the store’s bathroom flooded and Peter cited for disorderly conduct.

The trouble began when Stinkz used the store’s restroom and noticed a sign reading “Please do not flush anything except toilet paper.” Never one to disobey posted notices, Stinkz took the sign at face value. He promptly deposited toilet paper neatly in the toilet and flushed.

Peter then went over to the sink and proceeded to empty the contents of his bowels and bladder into the sink basin attempting to wash it down as he washed his hands.

“The sign said not to put anything but toilet paper in the commode, so I didn’t,” said Peter. “Seemed pretty clear to me.”

Unfortunately, the sink drain was not designed for such a volume of waste. Within minutes, water and human excrement began cascading over the sides of the sink and onto the floor, eventually seeping under the bathroom door and into the store itself.

“It was a huge mess,” said store manager Dale Watson. “It flooded the whole back area of the store. Wish he hadn’t taken that sign literally.”

Police were called to the scene, and Stinkz was cited for disorderly conduct for the damage caused. He faces potential fines if found guilty.

“I don’t get what the problem is,” Peter told reporters. “I was just following the rules. You can’t get mad when someone actually obeys what your sign says.”

When asked if he had considered simply using the toilet as intended regardless of the sign, Stinkz seemed baffled. “Well sure, I could’ve done that,” he said. “But then I wouldn’t have been following directions.”

Store management says they will reword the sign to avoid any future misunderstandings. But for Peter, the damage has already been done. “I’m just trying to be a good citizen here,” Stinkz said.

BY BS

The Journalist BS

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