10/5/2023 Canton, OH – Local resident Frank Simmons made an unusual claim today regarding a recent delivery of Puritan’s Pride joint health supplements he ordered online. Upon receiving the UPS package, Simmons was dismayed to find the bottle had arrived with damaged packaging wrapped around the supplement bottle, a missing bottle cap, and the food safety seal punctured.

Simmons went on to explain his theory that the exposed supplement tablets “must have” emitted a healing aura that was absorbed into the skin of the delivery personnel, thereby improving their joint mobility and flexibility. This enabled them to casually toss around and damage the packaging with youthful agility.

“Clearly the delivery drivers understood the power of these joint supplements through osmosis,” remarked Simmons. “It was obvious from the kicked around bottle and damaged packaging that the supplements had worked their magic on the UPS staff, allowing them to handle my package with ease.”

“How else can you explain the delivery guys being able to punt my supplements up three flights of stairs like it was nothing? Those guys were in the zone thanks to the supplements’ osmotic power!” Simmons exclaimed.

Puritan’s Pride could not be reached for comment on the validity of Simmons’ osmosis claim. Still, Simmons remains convinced that the joint health supplements imparted their benefits without even being ingested.

“I don’t need to swallow the tablets to get results. The supplements healed my achy joints as soon as I picked up the bottle thanks to their aura and thanks to UPS,” Simmons stated confidently. “Although ingesting them probably provides an extra boost. But mark my words, osmosis is the key!”

Simmons plans to continue purchasing the joint supplements, hoping for similar osmotic effects from future damaged deliveries. A UPS tracking delivery photo was not available. Neither was a UPS spokesperson to comment on today’s fun UPS activities.

BY BS

The Journalist BS

Photo Credits: Contributing Photographer