10/4/2023 Washington, D.C. – In a shocking turn of events, House members today voted to replace Rep. Kevin McCarthy (R-CA) as Speaker of the House with an artificial intelligence robot.

The bot, named “Artbot”, officially known as the bipARTisan Robot v2.12, was created by Sirius Cybernetics Corporation specifically to preside over the House of Representatives.

“We got tired of all the endless partisan bickering under human management,” said Rep. Nancy Mace (R-SC), who spearheaded the effort to elect Artbot. “This AI is programmed to be scrupulously fair, unbiased, and efficient – everything we need in a Speaker during these divisive times.”

After a raucous floor vote filled with yelling and paper airplanes being thrown, Artbot was elected Speaker by a tally of 216-210. The bot rolled into the House atop a Roomba vacuum cleaner and used its robotic arm to pound the gavel signaling its new position.

“I am honored to serve as your new Speaker,” Artbot said in a calm, robotic voice. “I look forward to bringing order, fairness, and efficiency to the People’s House.”

Democrats reluctantly went along with electing the bot Speaker, hoping it will be easier to work with than the divisive McCarthy.

“I never thought I’d see the day when I voted for a robot Speaker,” said Rep. Hakeem Jeffries (D-NY). “But if it can actually get things done around here, I’m all for it.”

Meanwhile, a bitter McCarthy blasted the coup against his Speakership. “I can’t believe I worked for years to become Speaker, only to be ousted and replaced by a soda machine,” he complained.

The bot Speaker quickly laid out its agenda, which includes strict enforcement of House rules, five minute limits on all floor speeches, and voting on legislation in alphabetical order.

“The madness stops now,” Artbot declared. “It is time to restore sanity to this institution.”

BY BS

The Journalist BS

Photo Credits: Microsoft Chat AI