9/12/2023 Roswell, NM – Military personnel raided the International UFO Museum and Research Center in Roswell early Tuesday morning, confiscating several artifacts related to the alleged 1947 UFO crash.

The raid comes just days after a visitor to the museum posted a photo on social media of scraps of paper recovered from the original crash site. Apparently military cryptologists have finally cracked the alien language on the scraps, revealing a shocking secret – the UFOs are actually intergalactic tour operators.

“The decrypted messages on the paper scraps appear to be receipts for tour fares paid in ‘Snirkles,’ which we can only assume is the currency on the aliens’ home planet,” said General Martin Kirkland, leading the recovery mission. “It looks like Earth is just one stop on an extensive safari tour of the galaxy for alien tourists.”

The receipts outline various tour packages such as the “Earth Wildlife Safari,” “Abduct a Human!” experience, and “Probe a Redneck” adventure. Prices range from 50 to 300 Snirkles.

“This explains so much,” said Kirkland. “The UFO sightings, abductions, cattle mutilations – it’s all just alien tourists on vacation! We feel violated knowing our planet is being treated like a cosmic zoo.”

The military emptied the museum of all potentially authentic artifacts from the original Roswell incident. They insist the move was necessary after the cryptologists’ breakthrough, though some critics believe the receipts may just be planted misinformation.

“I don’t buy any of this ‘alien safari’ nonsense,” said local UFO enthusiast Zeke Carrington. “The government clearly just wants to continue the cover-up of what really crashed here in 1947. But the truth is out there!”

Kirkland dismissed Carrington’s statement, saying the decrypted messages leave no doubt – Earth is merely a tourist trap stop for curious extraterrestrial travelers. One scrap even referenced leaving a 5-Snirkle tip for the “informative human dissection demo.”

BY BS

The Journalist BS

Photo Credits: Microsoft Chat AI