9/7/2023 Springfield, MO – Local woman Bethany Jones filed a police report against her husband, Hank Jones, earlier today, alleging that he intentionally “crop-dusted” her with a foul smelling fart.

Bethany claims she knew trouble was brewing when Hank “loaded up on broccoli and cauliflower” at dinner. “He always eats those veggies when he wants to fuel up for an evening of gas warfare,” said Bethany.

The incident occurred last night around 8 PM when Bethany was taking a shower in the master bathroom of the couple’s suburban home. According to Bethany’s statement, Hank stealthily exited the bathroom and lingered outside the door before “releasing a horrendous fart haze” and then quickly walking away to use the other bathroom.

“I had no warning – I just opened the door when I was done with my shower and was immediately hit with the rank stench,” said Bethany. “It was like getting punched in the face. He definitely planned this out over dinner.”

Bethany proceeded to file a report with local police, claiming this was not the first time Hank had engaged in this type of gastrointestinal warfare after eating gassy vegetables.

“There’s been a pattern of this behavior for years. He thinks it’s hilarious to Dutch oven me or crop dust me when I’m not suspecting it. But this was on another level,” said Bethany.

Hank Jones declined to provide a statement, but was overheard chuckling with the arresting officer. He was released shortly after on his own recognizance.

This bizarre domestic dispute has stunned and divided the local community. Long-time resident Helen Smith said, “Look, marital fart wars are nothing new, but involving the police seems excessive.” Others have rallied to Bethany’s side, starting a Facebook group called “Justice for Bethany” that already has over 500 members.

The District Attorney’s office has not yet announced whether they will be pressing charges. Hank is scheduled to appear in court next month.

BY BS

The Journalist BS

Photo Credits: Microsoft Chat AI